Sunday, January 13, 2013

The Bro-est Aussie Open Preview of All Time

What's up internet bros?

Tennis season is alive and thriving again. Yesterday, as part of an extended celebration of my irrelevant 24th birthday, I had a few adult beverages... and filled out my Aussie Open Draw.

When I think of Australia, for the record, I usually think of smoking hot girls, saltwater crocs, and really just a bunch of poisonous s%$& in the outback that can kill you.

But the most forgettable major of every year is back brocheses. There are plenty of story lines in the boys 128, but what gives me some real tennis elbow, is the bros all star team of injuries:
-Rafa Nadal
-John Inser
-Jack Sock

Also not too terribly into the time difference; right now its like 5 pm next Tuesday in Melbourne.

I'm going give you my complete breakdown of everything you need to know about the men's singles draw starting with the QF match ups and moving into some of the radder stuff as I go along.

Ready. Set. BRO.

1/4 Match ups

Djokovic (1) vs. Berdych (5)
No real surprise, Novak "RKO" BROkovic has won this tournament the last 2 years and 3 of the last 5. Those who don't remember, it took he and Rafa 6 hours to culminate their match last year to a point neither could stand up; I'm a big fan of the commentary at the 2:00 mark. Berdych is good on all surfaces. He hits a hard serve, has an above average forehand and keeps himself in every match. He also likes Manchester United #Tennisbro

Ferrer (4) vs. Tipsarevic (8)
This match up will be more or less a celebration of achievement for both players given how tough this side of the draw is. David Ferrer hasn't missed a quarterfinal in like 11 years, I don't suppose he will now. Tipsy grows on me every single day. He'll have to survive hell to get this far. If he makes it, he make breach the top 5 in the next installment of Rad Rankings Top 10

Del Potro (6) vs. Murray (3)
Two former US Open champions. Murray has been here before, Del BROtro has seen the least success in his career so far down under. Lots of long rallies in this match. It will come down to conditioning, only one player here does that better then the rest and he will win this slugfest.

Tsonga (7) vs. Federer (2)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH *Takes a breath* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The greatest tennis player to every pick up a racquet vs. the biggest 'When the matches matter' derp currently hailing from France. This will NOT be a repeat of the '11 Wimby quarters where Fed blew a 2-set lead. This will NOT be like the 2008 open where Tsonga made a run to the finals. This is a classic match up of the legend vs. the unrealized potential.

1/2 Match Ups
Djokovic (1) vs. Ferrer (4)
This is beginning to look a lot like that one douche bag in every march madness pool's bracket that just has the 1 seeds going to the finals doesn't it? BROkovic has too much firepower for Ferrer. Exciting match, probably a long match, but 1-sided when it counts.

Murray (3) vs. Federer (2)
Not going to be quite like the Gold Medal Match Slaughter. Murray in 5 sets.

Finals
Djokovic (1) vs. Murray (3)
Djoker in 4.

That's my prediction, now let's look at the more underlying drama

Catch My Breathe Moment

Fernando Verdasco after barely squeeking it out againt David Goffin of Belguim in the first round. I give Verdasco the upper hand due to his success in the Open in the past. He also has the cleanest looking lefty forehand stroke the game has ever seen; sorry John.

Most Likely Match to go the Distance With a Local Legend in it in the First Round

Former World Number 1 Lleyton Hewitt will play perhaps his last Aussie Open against 8th seeded Janko Tipsarevic. Expect 1 of 3 possible outcomes
1. Tipsy runs Roughshod and wins every set at 2.
2. Tipsy hangs on to win in 5.
3. Lucky Lleyton wins in 5 sets. There is no way Hewitt would be able to pull it off in less then 5.

The Other Local Darkhorse in the 1st

Marinko Matosevic has been on an absolute tear as of late, plays Marin Cilic (12) in the first round. I predict Cilic into the round of 16. But Matosevic will have full crowd support. This bro could catch lightning in a bottle, and given how easy this part of the draw is, find a match up with Del Potro in the round of 16.

Best 1st Round Match up Period

Alexandr Dolgopolov (18) vs. Gael Monfils

2 human highlight reels. One word to describe this match up, FAST. Another word to describe this match up, UNCONVENTIONAL. The Dolgo brings his best to Australia, we will see what kind of health Monfils is in. I'm saying Dolgopolov in 4 sets. This one will be unpredictable.

UPSET SPECIAL

Jarrko Nieminen of Finland will top pretty boy dinosaur Tommy Haas (19) in the first round. Haas shouldn't complain too much. He's probably expecting grand kids soon.

WOODSTOCK MELBOURNE

2nd round match up between Bernard BROmic and Martin Klizan (27). There is going to be young bro-ness to spare in this one. These two are going at it in Bernie's backyard for a chance to play Roger Federer. Giggity.

VERY BEST PRE-QUARTERS MATCH UP

Jerzy Janowicz (24) vs. Niko Almagro (10)

Big serving, big forehands. I think that if Janowicz wins this match he's most assuredly going to ride the momentum wave to the quarters. A win here assures him sweetheart status with all the writers; I was already sold when he balled out against Andy Murray in November. But I picked Almagro to win, he is kind of the coolest.

EASIEST ROAD TO QUARTERFINALS

Jo-Wilfred Tsonga. Llodra, Soeda, Belluci, Gasquet. He may not drop a set until he plays the quarters.

TOUGHEST ROAD TO FINALS

Roger Federer. Paire, Davydenko, Tomic/Klizan Winner, Raonic #ouch
Also see:
David Ferrer. Rochus, Karlovic, Baghdatis, Nishikori.
Janko Tipsareivc. Hewitt, Muller, Dmitrov, Almagro.

SIDE NOTE: Grigor Dimitrov "The Bulgarian Beater" best quidditch name in tennis.

THE FIREWORKS

Can not wait to see the explosion brought about by the Australian media if Tomic loses to Klizan and Hewitt to Tipsy and Matosevic to Cilic. All possible. in the first 4 days. May not be pretty.

What Really Gives me Tennis Elbow

The American outputs will be bleak. Brian Baker may not survive the first round. And if he does he'll play Sam Querrey. Querrey has the only shot of any American at making a run; unless Ryan Harrison beats Novak Djokovic in the 2nd round. He will have to face Stanislas Wawrinka in the 3rd round, the absolute model of consistency in singles and doubles.

That's all bros.

Later today I'll have the rules for the Australian Open drinking game.

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro, I'm also on facebook.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

No comments:

Post a Comment