The 2013 French Open Drinking Game

How's it going Bros?

Roland Garros 2013 is here. I am stoked! That time of the year means that time to drink some old world wine and watch clay court tennis.

Watching tennis on red clay means LONG drawn out points, that lead to LONG drawn out matches... and less volleying. My solution to make it better, make tennis a drinking game.

The men's draw drinking game is broken down into 3 categories: Sips, slugs and doubles.

This year has plenty of story lines and drama, should be opportune to get stupid.

Sips
These are common French Open viewing situations, take a sip every time this happens and see what happens.

-The clay court is called something like "dirt" or "dust" or something that isn't crushed red bricks.
-Rafael Nadal is called the "King of Clay" or any other references to his French Open successes are mentioned.
-The lack of lights on the grounds at Roland Garros are a topic of conversation
-A wide shot of downtown Paris is shown on a broadcast
-A close up of the Eifel Tower, the Luvre or some random girl drinking wine, eating bread or enjoying vanilla ice cream is shown
-Discussion arises of the back and forth between everyone in France for expansion of the grounds at RG.
-France's lack of success in this tournament is mentioned.
-Andy Murray's withdrawl as foresight for his Wimbledon 2013 campaign is a 10 minute segment.
-Juan martin Del Potro's withdrawl because he is ill is seen as irrelevant.

Wasted Yet?

Slugs
These are topics of discussion that I guarantee you will come up in every single one of the 32 seeds' matches. Take a full on slug of your drink every time the following occur:

1. Novak Djokovic- Discussion about his bid for a true Grand Slam in 2013 is brought up, or his reign as number 1, or being Nadal's toughest test.
2. Roger Federer- Every time people talk about the supposed decline of 31 year old Fed. Good luck not blacking out during his matches.
3. Rafael Nadal- He's 36-2 this year winning 6 of his 8 tournaments. You're getting drunk no matter what (see sips)
4. David Ferrer- He's cited as a "Grinder" and a "Warrior" and seen as being on the outside looking in.
5. Tomas Berdych- He's powerful, playing great tennis and stagnant at Number 6 in the world. #whitegirlwasted.
6. Jo Willy Tsonga- He's cited as the local favorite and the most charismatic player in the game.
7. Richard Gasquet- He's French... also tested positive positive for cocaine in Miami... which I think is kind of cool in a McQueen kind of way.
8. Janko Tipsarevic- If his slow start to 2013 is mentioned, or if he is compared directly to compatriot Novak Djokovic.
9. Stanislas Wawrinka- When a video replay of his 5 setter in Melbourne against Djoker is shown (it will be) or when they talk about how he's playing his best tennis right now and is some sort of dark horse to make the semis.
10. Marin Cilic- If his exploits as the number 2 ranked player in the juniors behind Donald Young are brought up. Not a very drinking game-friendly resume.
11. Nicolas Almagro- Every time this guy hits an ace or if his 2-16 record vs. top 10 players is brought up... Good luck with this one. #alcoholpoisoning
12. Tommy Haas- When his age (35 human years, 4586547650398530569 tennis years) is correlated with his amazing start to 2013 and his rankings climb.
13. Kei Nishikori- His being Japanese is brought up. When his IMG story is inevitably brought up every set.
14. Milos Raonic- How he's the future, he's Canadian and hits the ball really hard. Drink something light.
15. Gilles Simon- When his lack of size, his being french are brought up. Also when he's called a "Counter Puncher" or "Pace absorber".
16. Phillip Kohlschreiber- Likes UEFA Super power Bayern Munich, when his Wimby QF in 2012 is discussed.
17. Pico Monaco- When they predict his success because he's a clay courter or when his 4 titles from 2012 are brought up (3 on clay).
18. Sam Querrey- When they say he's the #1 American and how he's back to form #Blackout
19. John Isner- When they talk about his slow start to 2013, his lack of ability to break serve or his new coach. You're going to be hurting.
20. Andreas Seppi- If you can point out who this guy is.
21. Jerzy Janowicz- This and That. SUCH A BRO.
22. Alexandr Dolgopolov- When his rankings tumble since Jack Reader and him split is brought up. Every time he gets a first serve in.
23. Kevin Anderson- His 2 final appearances this year will be mentioned, and when his being South African is mentioned.
24. Benoit Paire- At your own discretion out of respect for his lumberjack beard
25. Jeremy Chardy- When they bring up his QF run at the Aussie. He also kind of looks American, which is awesome.
26. Gregor Dimitrov- This dude dates Maria Sharapova. Take a sip every time that makes you jealous.
27. Fabio Fognini- When you consider his career record is >.500 and he's a top 30 player.
28. Florian Mayer- When you easily mistake him for the other guy on tour named Mayer.
29. Mikhail Youzhny- >>>>
30. Julien Benneteau- He's that guy that beat Federer right?
31. Marcel Granollers- When the broadcasters tell you how awesome he is at doubles.
32. Tommy Robredo- When he is soluted for being the 6th seeded player over the age of 30. If they discuss the dinosaur showdown he and Haas had earlier this year. If his career high ranking occurring on August 28th, 2006 comes up. Food for thought, I'm 24, I was a senior in high school when that happened.

Doubles
The stuff that will get under your skin so much you'll want 2.

-When Nadal ultimately wins the final with ease crushing the hopes of A. a Grand Slam for Djoker and B. No anarchy at the top whatsoever in a very dull time in the game.
-If you're American and sleep through the early match you wanted to see live and not find out about on twitter.
-When all Americans are out by the 3rd round.
-When all Frenchmen are out by the quarters
-When the French Open surprises and underwhelms you this year like it does every other year.
-When Federer makes the final and ALL journalists drop their Aging-Federer propaganda bull s*** to get on the bandwagon
-When Gael Monfils hits an amazing but stupid shot in the first or 2nd round.

Pleasant viewing and bottoms up bros

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro. Let's talk some tennis and some drinking games.

A Bro Above All

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro