The Film Script

What's up ladies and germs?

If you follow me on twitter you may see in the description that I am currently co-authoring the worst sports film ever conceived by 2 humans with my older brother. If you're not following me on twitter, do so @thetennisbro. For the record, we are downplaying everything. We are some modest mofos in my family and are really writing the best, and only, good tennis movie ever made.

The whole thing is inspired by real life that actually happened. See he's a Hollywood big shot and I'm... me. So this film is going to be totes mcgotes epic. These are our rough ideas. To be finished when we are in Vegas next month. Here is the script. By the way Wilson gets the exclusive apparel nod assuming everyone on set gets multiple copies of the t shirts that say 'I'd Hit that'. #Innuendo.

Ready. Set. BRO.

Our nameless hero, who doesn't yet have a name, though I'm thinking Dick Skywalker, any good? So Mark Wahlberg character, who I see Mark Wahlberg playing, is a boy at the US Open. Make up specialists will make him appear 9 years old again. Marky Mark hero will be a boy from Queens; but with kind of a thick Boston accent, worked when Pitt tried playing a dude from East Tennessee with an accent that stands to ZERO regions.

Nine year old Mark Wahlberg hero will be at the open watching his hero play the championship with his dad.  For his dad, I'm hoping we can get the guy who played Harris in Major League, though I'll settle for Dorn if we have to. His hero is a toss up in my head somewhere between Don Johnson, Harrison Ford and Kevin Costner. How epic is this sports moving getting? So Indiana Jones wins the tournament and tosses his bandana into the crowd. Slightly over the head of 9 year old Wahlberg. It is on this day, he aspires to be a grand slam champion.

SIDENOTE: The product placement by our apparel sponsor Wilson, hasn't happened yet, but it will.

Wahly good guy has been a grinder, he's smelt glory, but never accomplished it. He is playing the Australian Open, the heat, the blue court, the tradition. He takes a spill and messes up his knee. I'm thinking an LCL/PCL deal because its the only kind of knee injury I've sustained.

SIDENOTE: Now I know all of you think an ACL accident is the only one that ever happens. But that just proves you watch football. This is tennis mofos, have some imagination.

So Dick is sidelined with injury. While he is laid up on the couch comes the rise of the villain in the film. played by wilmer valderrama. Wilmer plays the evil Spaniard Rafa Lopez; another working name, but Felciano plus Nadal equals one smooth bro, bro.

Wilmer is coached by the fire breathing jerk hole played by the blonde guy in Die Hard. These 2 are a devastating combo to the tennis world. They represent victory and intensity in the Varsity squad from D3 the Mighty Ducks kind of way. If the blonde guy is dead, Javier Bardem would make a wicked bad guy, right?

Marky Boston is at a garage sale on his crutches when he finds a familiar piece from tennis antiquity. It is the bandana that Han Solo tennis champ threw into the crowd all those years ago. He is now inspired going through rehab.

TRAINING MONTAGE!!

During this point Wilson has picked up on the budding success story and is passing out 'I'd Hit That' shirts like its Christmas...

Dick announces his intention to return to action AT THE US OPEN BIOTCHES. This happens the day before the Wimbledon final the Wilmer obviously rampages. The fire is lit on the old rivalry. To further f some s up, Dick's coach, played by Donald Draper, adds Kevin Costner to his coaching staff. Billy Chapel is bringing the field of dreams to the hard courts. I am so fired up.

With the aid of the bandana, his hero and Donald Draper, Mark Wahlberg is at his best running through the tournament. I forgot to mention, the love interest, played by Carrie Underwood, is in a total love triangle adding gun powder to a forest fire of hatred... what?

Dicky passes his previous best, the quarters and wins an epic 5-setter over AC Slater or Zach Morris, whichever has the availability to play the role in the semis. Championship showdown in the final.

It's not typical tennis bro maneuvers to talk a lot of smack before a final, but I am the tennis bro, and I want this tennis world to be malicious. Fists fly, die hard bro is encouraging Wilmer and Billy Chapel coach is talking Marky Mark straight. Carrie Underwood's heart lies with the champion.

In the greatest tennis match ever played in less than 3 days, the two duke it out. The serve of Marky Mark's power right vs the total package of Wilmer V. Like in the Roddick/Fed Miami 2012 match, it comes down to a very emotional break in the last set followed by a furious hold of serve for Marky Mark to win the match. And yeah, America wins a tennis final. BANG. What say you rest of the world? Oh and he totally wins the affection of Carrie Underwood. Greatest love story of this millennium.

Let the bidding for that script start at $100k against $200k. Talk to my people.

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro

Gin, Gin

Billy Stein~ The Tennis Bro