But what doesn't suck is the fact that Rafa Nadal is rampaging tennis courts again, bros.
It was a small tournament in Chile; I get that, and he did not win the final against a relatively weak field; fine, but the greatest athlete to ever hit the fuzzy yellow ball for a living, is back. #Vamos
We here at the tennis bro; meaning me... and maybe my cohort Chase who made the tennis bro spoof video and perhaps even the guy I let share my office at work, are all fans of a lot of sports. I value Rafa Nadal as a combination of Dwyane Wade and Mickey Mantle on the tennis court. Allow me to elaborate.
The reason Rafa Nadal ends up injury-plagued every 2 years is because he hustles harder then anybody the sport has ever seen. He is like watching a running back, Navy Seal and tennis player all in 1. The fact that he gives that extra effort to chase balls down that he has no business chasing, and clay court power sliding on the hardest hard courts, makes him not only different form any other tennis player, but far more exciting to watch. He is also the best at celebrating the sport has ever seen. His all out hustle and relentless efforts remind me of Dwyane Wade crashing the boards or driving the lane. High impact, high reward, high injury percentage. The fact that it isn't always meant to look pretty makes it that much more badass in kind of a Gordon, from Dodgeball fashion.
SIDE NOTE: That actor's name is Stephen Root and he's the most epic pervert judge ever on Justified, the best show on tv right now.
Back to Rafa, he also reminds me a bit of Mickey Mantle. Not because he fully utilizes his superstar stature to chase after hot chicks, but because he has a forehand that is every bit as pretty as Mickey Mantle's swing. True story about Mickey Mantle for you non-baseball fans, people my age or folks who haven't seen the epic HBO original movie *61, Mickey Mantle hit a homerun 1 handed one time. No nonsense, not like a 1-handed follow through either, straight up batting lefty, clubbed it with his right hand. No small task.
I bring up the case of Mickey Mantle because, like Rafa, he swung lefty and was probably the most talented player in the history of his sport. Truly a once in a generation kind of talent. Mantle won 7 World Series in an 11 year stretch with the Yankees. He hit over 500 homeruns.
And yet despite it all, you don't talk about him like you talk about Michael Jordan, or even Derek Jeter; ironically their 11 combined rings equal Rafa's Majors total, and Phil Jackson's NBA Titles total. He's probably the broest coach ever in any sport. Rafa may not ever catch Roger Federer's 17 Major Championships, by that rationale he will never considered the greatest of all time, the G.O.A.T. as it is referred to in tennis. But all the same, it's good for the sport to have him back in it.
I'll also go so far as to say that when the French Open Drinking game is posted, all haters have to take a triple tequila shot when he pulls in trophy number 12.
And now for the Only Words That Matter on Rafa Nadal with Harley Babeslayer
I can not believe this bull s%^& to be done. Rafa nurses his injuries, triple plural, and I become the hottest lefty on tour and after coming back to a 250 level no-name tournament in Chile, he gets all the attention? He didn't even WIN the tournament. Meanwhile the Tennis Bro gives him all of this credit like he's the perfect human being and the College of Cardinals should choose him to replace the freakin' Pope? I don't know where to begin, oh wait, yes I do.
Let's start with the score line 6-7, 7-6, 6-4. So The "Mickey Mantle of Tennis" didn't even get a break against the juggernaut No. 73 player in the world? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. Worse then anything he's telling the press his knee isn't 100 percent. 7 months of rest didn't heal your swollen knee; I hate this guy so much. I have an idea, Rafa, why don't you take a baby's bottle and fill it with sherry port or whatever you Spaniards drink, then you can act like a baby all you want and the pain will subside. That free advice is courtesy of the Harley "The Babe Slayer" Babeslayer.
Here's the worst part of all. Rafa, who we Americans grew up shaking our heads at his weird euro-legged manpris, is swagger jacking the Babeslayer's look.
That just ain't right. A man's look is his life. The entire tour will let you have the Nike Power Manpris back, but the short shorts are my things, dumb ass. Next thing you know he'll be trying to swing a Wilson wood racket with a 68" racket face. I hate this guy. I've had enough of this.
He really is quite the hater my friends. That's all bros. Hit me up on twitter @thetennisbro if you want to talk about how epic Rafa coming back is, or not if you're on the Babeslayer Bandwagon.
A bro above all
Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro
I can't wait to visit 45 year old Rafa in the retirement home.
Harley Babeslayer ~ Professional Tennis Player
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