The challenge I issued didn't exactly go viral (roughly 600 views this weekend) but its okay because I bought an Xbox 360 yesterday.
I've heard that some sort of new better gaming system is coming out around the holidays, but with my limited demand for downtime boredom killing, this is perfect. With it I bought Grand Slam Tennis 2 by EA Sports. I'm not so blown away by their spotty motion capture of ground strokes, but I do like their Creation Zone. Unlike Top Spin Tennis that requires you build up your players with tournament experience, you just get to make your player a golden elephant right from the start.
I took the liberty of creating my own ATP World Tour Ringer. The process of doing so required 3 steps:
1. Put on good luck tank top
2. Pour some drinks
3. Ask myself "What would John McEnroe do if tasked with this responsibility?
These events are captured well by the picture below from college.
Height: 7 feet 2 Inches of make you wet yourself Intimidation
Weight: 260 Pounds of pure Cobalt
Swings: Lefty, and ladies only if you know what I mean.
Playing Style: John McEnroe Meets Godzilla
Favorite Past time: Short Shorts, Wood Rackets and making his opponents cry and their girlfriends rosy-cheeked.
Whip: 1979 Trans Am, all black like a bad mofo would.
Dates: Your Mother
Harley Babeslayer's telepathy has really taken a death grip on my thoughts. He'd like to say a few words in a new section of the Tennis Bro called The Only Words That Matter: With Harley Babeslayer.
First of all, the fact that this moron made me look like John McEnroe's misbegotten ginger cousin, tells you everything you need to know about the credibility of what you're reading. I would also like to point out that the wooden racket and the pre-1980 undershorts he has me wearing doesn't do much for me when he plays Novak Djokovic on "Super Star" mode; he's really only playing normal level. It's 2013, jockey, could you at least give me a graphite racket and some shorts that aren't restricting the flow of air to the best part of the Babeslayer? That 6-3, 6-0 loss last night was attributed to 3 things that gomer pile controlling me allowed for:
1. I serve 135 MPH and he can't get the motion down enough to hit the ball at its highest point.
2. If he wouldn't check his phone so often; like any one wants to talk to his dumb ass any way, maybe I'd be flagging more baseline winners down.
3. Worst of all, I would be able to actually sustain momentum better if he didn't beat his fists against his chest and yell "Tennis Bro" and make wookie noises EVERY time I win a point.
What the hell is a tennis bro anyway? Is this some sort of super personality trait none of the other 15 million dudes across the earth that watch this game have? His apartment, the "Man Cave" as he calls it, smells like big foot took a number 2 in it and let it stew on a hot day. God I gotta get out here. He needs to hurry up and get WWE Smackdown vs. RAW so I can stop losing.
And 1 more thing, digital Maria Sharapova is on this game and you keep forcing me to play dudes all the time. When exactly, do you plan on giving me some court time with the babes, if you're such a bro? Get kidney stones.
He's not the most likable tennis video game created player ever, and certainly not the most politically correct, but I guess as I'll be getting used to his insults, so should you.
Follow Me on twitter @thetennisbro for all things related to tennis and everything else awesome.
A Bro Above All
Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro
I hope the Tennis Bro chokes on his next handful of doritos
Harley Babeslayer ~ Professional Tennis Player
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