Two spanish-speaking ass kickers made their way back to the winner's table today, Rafa Nadal and Juan Martin Del Potro.
Nadal beat former world No. 3 David Nalbandian who may go down in the history books for having the most beautiful mullet in the history of the world, and this unforgettable little incident. I think you get the idea.
Juan Martin Del Potro is one of my favorite guys in the history of the game. He has a US Open Trophy, super nice guy, his name rhymes with the word "Bro"; something essential to my dialect, and in winning that trophy, he, like his opponent today, had to defeat Roger Federer. That opponent today was Julien Benneteau.
I really only knew Bennetau by name, country and this blunder in the 2011 US Open.
Pretty classic stuff by A-Rodd. So anyway, it was a little shocking that Federer went down so early in a 500-Level tournament in Rotterdam. Not so surprising that he made the quarters, I imagine his quarterfinal appearance percentage must have him in the running for a 4.0 GPA on the 10-point scale. It was a bit of a shocker, however, that Federer got dispatched in Rotterdam before the final.
SIDE NOTE: I couldn't point out Rotterdam on a map. I appreciate that all I would have to do to find out would be to open a new tab and type it in on google, but I'm not going to do that. Some things are better kept a mystery, like how they get the caramel inside a Twix bar; which I love so much.
Fed was dropped 3 and 5 by Benneteau. Which really begged the question, who the hell is this guy? So I turned to the world's most powerful knowledge resource and the Pro Tour's biggest cheembo. In doing so I have learned a great bit about Julien B and I intend to share with you my findings.
Ready
Set
BRO
Firstly, Benneteau isn't at all who I thought he was. When I hear the name I envision Michael Llodra. Honest mistake, both are French and both are over 30.
SIDE NOTE: I also thought Benneteau was on the French Davis Cup team. The same team I predicted to win the whole thing this year. Turns out he isn't. I guess I'll carry on living my life now in 3,2,1.
For men over the age of 30, this has been a good week. German Pretty boy Tommy Haas is currently playing Milos Raonic in the final at San Jose as I type this. Raonic is looking for a 3peat out that way and Haas is 34. You want to talk about being a dinosaur for a minute? Haas is way into the fossilized stage of his career on tour. But I do give him props for still being able to play, or walk up steps un-aided.
Having topped Federer and then fellow countryman Giles Simon in the semis, JB was one match, vs. DelBROtro from winning his first career title.
That's right, he's 31, played in 8 finals and has a bagel in the wins column. Not that that's a big deal. Just making a final is a big deal, but making a bunch certifies him as something a badass in annals of tennis. He also lives in Geneva... which isn't France at all. Highly questionable.
His best pro performance was making the quarter finals of the French Open in '08 and losing to Ivan Ljubicic. How many people can say they've lost to him in a final? I don't know, but I doubt anyone else does either. He does have 6 doubles titles, but to some that doesn't count.
That's basically all I find any person needs to know about JB. But he does exist, and that's pretty neato.
Now for THE ONLY WORDS THAT MATTER on Julien Benneteau with Harley Babeslayer.
Did the Tennis Bro call me a cheembo? I have an idea for the tennis bro, why don't you take a big step back and literally F&*) yourself. Now Julien Benneteau, I didn't "check the world's most powerful resource" for information because damn it I'm a professional tennis player and I know everyone on tour.
He's part of that whole French people thing. He talks funny and only drinks Old World Wine, whatever the hell that is. We see each other in the locker room from time to time and I consciously avoid eye contact with him and here's why:
1. He just walks around the masseuse room naked. Is it so hard for you Europeans to wrap yourself in a freakin towel when in the presence of another human being?
2. Yeah we practiced together a few times. Look here, I'm no Grand Slam Champion yet, but I am on the rise big time. This guy hasn't even won A SINGLE TOURNAMENT and he's telling me I need to practice more then 30 minutes a day and try mixing speeds up. Ok bro listen here, I am Harley "The Babeslayer" Babeslayer. I hit the ball fast as f^&*. You know what you see after the ball hits my racket? A blur, and that's it... And a dollar sign because I'm $$$$$$ as hell. Dumb ass.
Okay it's only 2 reasons, but still. This old guy sucks. How old are you, like 245? These old balls on tour don't get it anymore, always saying stupid stuff like "You don't need 4 cars, you should save your money" or "That backhand of yours would be much better if you practiced it more often", shut up old times.
Oh yeah and Rafa won, against another guy whose 8,000 years old with a mullet. I can't believe the tour even allows him to compete still. I have some advice to Nalbandian, I'm not disagreeing with assaulting geriatrics, but if you're going to do it, don't do it on the court and in England where the decorum is way more uptight then the entire rest of the world. Rafa and I played recently and he won 2 and 2. I 100% blame the Tennis Bro for that, when you bring the lightning like the Babeslayer, you gotta pound aces and talk trash. Terrible waste of assets.
I need a new gig so I can stop giving opinions on worthless stuff no one cares about.
That's all I have on Julien Benneteau bros. Get at me on twitter @thetennisbro to discuss any of last week's tournaments or the one this week in Memphis.
A bro above all
Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro
The only thing I hate more then Julien Benneteau's lack of success is the The Tennis Bro, and Rafa Nadal
Harley Babeslayer ~ Professional Tennis Player
No comments:
Post a Comment