I had said I was going to take 10 weeks off from swinging sticks to let my shoulder heal up. That plan made it what had to have been less than 2 weeks.
So I played a little bit of dubs last night. Where to begin on this disaster, how about the excruciating pain of warming up?
I played with some older folks last night. They aren't quite seniors or in the USTA's new 55 and older division, but some of them have kids older then me. It would come off as derogatory to call them old people, so I'll compromise and use Jordan as their descriptor.
SIDE NOTE: For those out there who don't know me personally, every time I do not recall someone's name when telling a story, I use the name "Jordan" and keep on telling it. In this case I only remember the name of 1 of the 3 other people on court any way, so Jordan is on point right now.
Jordans don't warm up... No seriously, they don't even play that small ball stuff I love so much prior to backing up to the baseline and hitting. They take like 1 minute of ground strokes and then just start playing. They don't even take serves.
I am going to spare you the details of my partner and I losing 5-7, 4-6 and just give you the highlights:
-Shoulder pain commences within the first 35 seconds of feeble excuse for a warm up.
-This shot was exchanged at least like 47 times
-On a court full of folks older then me, Justin Beiber was brought up more then the sequester or any other super adult stuff.
-We had a 4-2 lead in the first set that we managed to give away; though I'm pretty sure they jobbed us on scoring in the 7th game, that ad was ours and then they called a bad line. Scum.
-I learned a Big Lots credit card only has to be paid off once a year #advertising.
-Serving hurt my shoulder
-forehand volleys hurt my shoulder
-Drinking water hurt my shoulder
-My partner told the desk folk at the members only club in which I belong that I just came to watch... I had 2 racquets in my hand.
-I had 4 separate games serving up 40-15.
-I held 0 of my 6 serving games. Maybe we'd have won if I were relevant and not mediocre. But then this would be the ballad of and average tennis player.
I was hoping to get to tell y'all all about my triumphant return to the court; maybe narrated by that guy from NFL films. However, it seems more appropriate that if I must tell the world about my tennis exploits, that they be shortcomings.
Interestingly enough, My left hand man has some words about my none-to-glorious comeback. So with the Only Words That Matter, here's Harley Babeslayer's commentary.
First of all, Billy, no one cares about you losing some stupid pick up match against a bunch of old people whose names you don't remember. Seriously, who reads this guy? More importantly I want some words with the BNP Paribas f***ers in California.
Where was the Babeslayer's invite? Trust fund baby Gulbis is doing work this year against all those jockeys his lucky ass is getting paired up against. How did I get passed on? I won 6 matches in a row against Xbox Live's best European competitors. Do I even need to elaborate on what kind of a feet that is? My second serves are coming in at 130. The $$$$$$$ is flying in these parts.
David Ferrer, out. Pico Monaco, out. Janko whatever his name is, out. Next year world rankings oughta be ignored and the man with the golden star power stick should be put in the spot light. He's ready. You see the 'stache and fro? Its is hard to be such an unstoppable force on court and look this good.
Also, Johnny Mac, I hear you talking smack about my s*** when I'm on court. I'll take you on any surface. I am talking about a FROdown, you vs. me, any time. best of 3 short sets. Winner gets Digital Sharapova.
Anyway if you jockeys are on twitter, you can find me @HBabeslayer. Now if you'll excuse me, I have better stuff to be doing then talking to you suck asses.
Always a charmer, Harley. Get at me on twitter @TheTennisBro for any tennis or subject discussion.
A Bro Above All
Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro
I hope the tennis bro gets the 'zuma, that'll shut him up.
Harley Babeslayer ~ Professional Tennis Player
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