Scary Movie Starting 5

Curse this bad weather bros,

Because of the severity of our weather in Central Mississippi, I am now an episode behind on Justified Season 4. I also have a sneaking suspicion the other guy I let share my office picked last night to start watching it and have some sort of talking point for work tomorrow; textbook bush league stuff.

While on the treadmill at the gym trying to watch Raylan Givens punish immoral behavior; my Tuesday routine, the video played scratchy and the audio flat did not work. Here is a look at the radar that is causing this colossal pain in the ass. 

Not too many things really get me angry at my core, but missing Justified live when I do not have a DVR is definitely one of them. I felt like a serial killer knowing I was breaking my new years rezy.

SIDE NOTE: Yes I made a New Years Resolution. It was a week after the fact, and it was to watch Justified from the treadmill every Tuesday night as part of my WWE Future Champion training I have going on every day at Planet Fitness on Lake Harbor in Ridgeland. Cheers for free advertising.

I love scary movies, makes me feel like an 8 year old trapped in a 24 year body instead of a 9 year old whenever I get scared and hide under blankets; and audibly tell my buddies and the babes that I wasn't scared the least bit. 

The one place the scary movies miss the mark is they make their serial killers too big. It's a lot more realistic having the a short, tan guy with a Te'oing fixation -as seen below-  as the killer then Dwight Howard in a Hockey Goalie Helmet.

Consider some famous killers for a second. You got Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, Kim Jong Il and Tom Cruise in Collateral; haven't ever seen that film, but if he didn't kill anyone he should have.

All of these bros are midgets in at least 25 states.

SIDE NOTE: My apologies to dwarfs and little people. That stab wasn't aimed at any of you personally, it was just to point out that Hitler was a stupid mustache-having piece of shrimp. I digress.

In the spirit of keeping up with trends I seem to publish on this blog, I figured I'd make another sports-related list. Seeing as how my Ole Miss Rebels are doing well in basketball for the first time in a very long time; and our best player is kind of a lunatic. I figured I would assemble a basketball squad of killers who are actually more insane then Marshall Henderson. So here is my starting line up of scary movie killers.

Ready. Set. BRO.

1 Guard: Jig Saw (Saw)

In all of the movies Jig Saw was in, he never actually killed anyone. Consider eliminating innocent victims the movie killer field goal. He just offered ways for you to live in excruciating pain, or kill yourself #assists. He's the classic floor general. He sets the play up and feeds the rock to the other guys on the court.

2 Guard: Freddy Kreuger (A Nightmare on Elm Street)

He's grossly offensive looking, his charisma is plenty a reason to cheer against him if he's on the other team, and he's in your defenses head. You have nightmares about this guy. You almost have to double team him every step he takes. Freddy Kreuger is either getting wet from behind the ark or he's just leaving someone else on the floor open.

3 Swing Man: Jason Voorees (Friday the 13th)

He can kill and be killed. You think you take him out of the game and all of a sudden he's killing you on the moon. I thought the masks were scary in old hockey films because it meant I was watching old hockey films. Turns out its the iconic mask that I had when I was a kid... and wrote 'Death' in red paint to look like blood. #TennisBro. He is the most durable player on the court. Forget about being not scared at night at a summer camp, anyone whose ever seen any of these movies. Oh, and might I mention, he's 9 feet tall. Good luck covering him, Chris Bosh.

4 Power Forward: Leather Face (Texas Chainsaw Massacre)

Hollywood really missed the memo about folks who are crazy not being the build of a strong man competition. But this one is based on a true story in Travis County Texas... So who really knows? Even a nightmare in the paint Karl Malone in his prime.

5 Center: Michael Myers (Halloween)


He's 12 feet tall and will kick the you-know-what out of anyone on the Monstarz from Space Jam. This is a double-double machine. That chick he's choking out in that picture, starting center in the WNBA. Look it up.

No bench players made the final cut on this roster.

That's all internet trolls. Hopefully next Tuesday I'll be watching Justified like normal and won't have to scare myself with scary movie creepos anymore.

Below is the first Tennis Bro spoof video. Click like and subscribe to my buddy's youtube channel to help him out. Follow him on twitter @Chase_Aertker. If you feel the need to make one for laughs, tweet it to me @thetennisbro and be kickass. 

Beware of the tall folks if you're ever in a scary movie.

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

2013 Winter Rad Rankings

Top 4 night of the year bros,

Tonight is the WWE Royal Rumble. The bout that puts any battle royal to shame. As many as 40 have competed at 1 time to crowned the Royal Rumble Champion. This night is the most exciting hour in sports leading up to Wrestlemania. Give 'em hell, throw them over the top rope, and pray you're the last man standing who becomes WWE's NUMBER 1 CONTENDER.

My prediction for tonight will is Randy 'The Viper' Orton allocates some serious RKO action and throws Zach Ryder, the #7FigureBroski over the top rope. In doing so he will join such legends as himself ('09), Stone cold Steve Austin, 'The Nature Boy' Ric Flair, Bret 'The Hitman' Hart, Shawn Michaels, The Rock and Edge.

Last night, in an interesting conversation at one of Mississippi's finest redneck watering holes, I let it be known my view on sports. While I am the tennis bro, it is at least my 3rd favorite sport to play. I far prefer beer league softball AND trampoline wrestling to doubs all day long. Tennis, in fact came in as at least my 5th priority in life, as I've taken the liberties of listing below:
1. Wrestlemania
2. Breathing
3. Eating and drinking
4. Justified season 4
5. Tennis Bro Maneuvers

It isn't that I don't LOVE the sport of tennis, that isn't the case. I just find This to be just a scoatch cooler then Marcos Baghdatis running the 4 racquet smash maneuver; not to be confused as tennis bro maneuver of ANY less then the first degree #TennisBro.

So anyway, the Royal Rumble is tonight, and last night, Novak BROkovic balled out major and won his 3rd straight Australian Open Men's Singles Championship in 4 sets.

SIDE NOTE: 1-0 on picking major champions, and their correct opponents for both the semifinals and finals, and their set counts. I'm number 310 in the world on the men's Tennis Channel Australian Open Racquet Bracket, ya heard? #TennisBro.

It's becoming a pretty rad time to be a sports fan. And since we are one major tournament down, I think its time I bestow the least important Top 10 in the game, or the most, your call.

I now release 2013's first YTD Rad Rankings from the mind of the most kickass almost journalist in tennis.

Ready. Set. BRO.

10. Jo Wilfried Tsonga

He's a cool enough guy to have gotten his own post about him the last time I wrote stuff down for you trolls. His star power plus his all around game, plus how hard he worked in the off season to get in better shape always make him a threat. He not only outplay you, but he can out badass you on court, not easy to do. I feel like he is good enough to make a break through this year at the French or Wimbledon. As long as Rafa is hurting, he's a top 5 kind of talent. Also is probably awesome to crush some brews with.

9. Stan Wawrinka

Not often do we talk about anything regarding Switzerland other then neutrality, the Alps or Roger Federer. This guy has a stern forehand, a good 1-handed backhand AND can serve. He was also on the court at last year's Aussie when Baghdatis broke 4 racquets. This year he breezed through Sam Querrey who is a potential casanova on court. He took Djokovic the distance in the round of 16; had he served him out at 5-2 in the 2nd set Murray would have cake walked over Ferrer. Rad start for an otherwise average joe kind of personality.

8. Juan Martin Del BROtro.

Such a baller. He went out to renegade Jeremy Chardy in the round of 16. I still feel like the guy has multiple major titles left in the tank. Also only looking about 40 these days; an improvement

7. Alexandr Dolgopolov

BROgo dropped a 5-setter in the first round to Gael Monfils... To be fair, he's barely French. High excitement BROtential, such a WTF kind of style he plays. This year could see his rankings on the ATP World Tour go south, but just him being such a kickass dude will keep him in this Top 10 for a while to come.

6. Martin Klizan

Sometimes you can still look kick ass losing in the 1st round. He's young, he has style, and he'll win. It's that simple. All important when considering how much of a tennis bro one actually is.

5. Jerzey Janowicz

SOLD!! Who cares if his name is very close in pronunciation to the state of New Jersey?

4. Jeremy Chardy

Having a QF run at a major on your rezy automatically forces people to have to learn to say your name correctly. No more being called Ch-ard-ee, now he'll get proper Sh-are-dee treatment. I have a feeling he is currently going on the same kind of RAGE bender that Rosol went on after beating Nadal at Wimbledon. Well deserved, bro beans.

3. Bernard Tomic

BROmic has come on hot so far this year. He beat Djoker in the Hopman Cup; fruitless win, but still beat the number 1 player in the world. He proceeded to win the Sydney 250 event and plow through his 1st 2 rounds of the Aussie prior to running into that Federer guy. I'm a little concerned he wont ball so hard off the court if he keeps doing so well on it, though. But then, I shouldn't be so pessimistic, he's only 20. Lots of time for him to be the badass tennis so desperately needs. Also 2 feaux Tomic accounts follow me on twitter, as should you.

2. John Isner

Still an SEC guy, still a true patriot AND he also picked The Apex Predator to win the Royal Rumble. Also dating a girl that looks to be about a foot and a half shorter then him. #canIgetawitness

1. Novak BROkovic

21 straight wins at the Aussie, 6 Major Championships and Jelena Ristic. Take a bow.

That's all bros.

By the way, Australia, y'all are my new favorite non-USA continent. Thanks for reading, I hope you all got sauced playing the Australian Open Drinking Game.

Follow me on Twitter @TheTennisBro or look me up on facebook

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

Jo Wilfried Tsonga: The Worst Drinking Buddy Ever

Whats up internet trolls?

Jo Willy Tsonga is really growing on me lately. Suffice to say, I would consider him a bro in most French way possible. The bro has made some stupid comments in years past; who hasn't?

The frog has held it down for the last several years in the top 10. He is nice to ball kids and towel girls AND bears a ridiculous resemblance to Blake Griffin who kind of looks like Jimmy Graham who is a huge bro. All of whom, one guesses, hang out with girls that look like Kate Upton.

                                                                   Well played bros.

Tsonga is definitely in killer look-alike company. He also hits a #Rage forehand, a hard serve and moves the court well enough on all surfaces to be the most dangerous wild card of any opponent a top 4 player will see on their side of the draw. Despite his obvious weapons, and by weapons I mean those missiles Marky Mark is talking about with the camels in the 2006 Film of the Year, The Departed. Tsonga doesn't have the kind of hardware to rectify some of his comments he has made in his past against such champions as Novak Djokovic. Because of this, he has reached #thatguystatus. He is the most overrated drinking buddy-type of guy ever. Allow me to explain.

Ready. Set. BRO.

It is the weekend. Not that this week was any different from any others, but you're super duper excited to throw down this time. You're buddy, let's just call him Jo Wilfried Tsonga, is texting you about total beer pong domination. SOLD.

You've been hearing the rumors about his ability to dominate a party; shotguns faster then anyone, most likely to drive s*$^ faced at no consequence.

SIDE NOTE: We hear at the Tennis Bro, meaning myself; and probably the guy who I let share my office, do NOT condone drinking and driving.

This guy kind of looks like Blake Griffin too, so you know he's legit.

So the BROdown begins on the pong table. You knock you first shot in; nothing but foam in the middle cup, business as usual. His shot hits two bordering cups- The 'don't worry bro, I was just warming up' face of agreement is exchanged.

Now all hell breaks loose, they knock 2 cups BOOM, BOOM. #ballsback. On the return, shooter number 1 hits his shot and calls heating up. Shooter number 2 rims out; disaster averted, you think.

You cup out and Jo Willy misses the table completely; too much muscle. "I've been getting into shape this off season" he says.

Well while you look at him puzzled, shooter number 1 just bounced in easy AND is on fire now.

SIDE NOTE: These are obvious NBA Jams rules in effect. If you don't play NBA Jams or rollback rodeo rules in pong then you are NOT the kind of kickass bro of any age group that would read this stuff anyway.

Now you give him back the balls and he makes another cup. The triple cup swing maneuver has been pulled and all of a sudden their rack is down to 4 cups as he gets it back. He misses his shot and shooter 2 calls for an island cup. Knocks it down.

Fast Forward: You have made a subtle come back. It is a 1 against 4 cup duel. You have hit 5 while the worst drinking buddy ever managed 1 cup somehow. You're out of islands and only have 1 re-rack left that you're using sparingly for when Beer Pong Happy Gilmore knocks down the last cup. Ol' Glory has been called for 'bows once too. This game went to hell in a hand basket. And they double-tapped the last cup so there is no rebuddle. Terrible start to the night of domination.

You take a break and go to the back porch to shotgun a cheap one and get the party facet of this operation started. After the circle of friends have all told their 1 epic story it is mandatory to tell prior to shotgunning a beer; null and void in temperatures under 55 degrees Fahrenheit. He absolutely blows past you. he put his beer down so fast he had time to backhand every dude out their between the legs and laugh.

Only cool on paper so far huh?

You let your man parts heal up and head back into the party where all of a sudden the girls have had their druthers and the table is being used for flip cup. I'm getting a sense you already know how this one goes...

Because of his obvious ability to throw it back fast, you make him your anchor and no matter how terrible of a closer he is, you rely heavily on the time differential he provides if its a close relay. This race is not even close. You have a 3 cup lead in a 5 man race with just your prize drinking pony left to shut the door on the other team... But he can't flip his cup correctly.

Now as the charade progresses, you feel every sensation of a game of flip cup possible. You laugh, your heart beats real fast, you get that weird itch all over your body that goes hand in hand with wanting to win and you yell for Jo Willy to put it away like its a quarterfinal in a major; a rare but some times occurring event in his career.

You lose the flip cup game. He offers to do a boat race, boot challenge and a game of quarters to atone. You love your bro, but hate his guts so hard for being so terrible when it matters.

He is the WORST DRINKING BUDDY EVER... OF ALL TIME.

Get at me and follow me on Twitter @thetennisbro

Maybe a panel discussion of drunk Australians can convince the folks at SB Nation to give the boy a more exciting forum to get at y'all.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

Style Tips From the Tennis Bro

Hello again Internet,

The weather in Mississippi, America is starting to get warmer; meaning outdoor tennis is coming back like the next installment of Die Hard.

As a sports fan, I believe in 3 things as surely as I breathe:
1. For Love of the Game is the greatest guy-cry film of all time. Period.
2. The universe hates the Atlanta Falcons; for whatever reason
3. Style is the secret to winning tennis matches

Here's my style tips for the 2013 season.

SIDE NOTE: Ladies, sorry these are mostly dude-centric, but y'all are doing more stuff correctly then we are.

Ready. Set. BRO.

1. Practice Your Fist Pump

You have a mirror. These things need to be properly planned to keep you from looking like a monkey having a seizure. Picking a fist pump is a lot like choosing a suitor. It has to be mysterious and cool, aesthetically pleasing and molds well with your personality. Take 20 minutes a week before the season starts, shop the internet for celebrations and start practicing. The right fist pump can do wonders for finding your happy place on court. See the link below for the greatest fist pump of all time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbSkob_WxkA

2. Grow a Mustache

Bros you should have done that anyway. Having a killer police officer mustache will win you multiple games just out of respect. Think I'm kidding?

3. Share Your Sunscreen

I'm not even talking about on the tennis court. Ladies, when you're at the pool or the beach and you're in the company of folks that don't have some, share some. The two worst feelings on earth are forgetting your chapstick and realizing when its hot out that you forgot sunscreen. Google it. Though I only recommend the sharing of your SPF 30. There is not and will never be a part on here about sharing chapstick.

4. Don't be That guy in a pink Shirt

Bro, 45 year old guy, you are NOT Roger Federer. You are NOT a highlighter either. But you are being made fun of by both guys on the other team and not just during warm ups, but throughout the match no matter how many aces or winners you hit.

Don't but this shirt. Spare yourself, your doubles partner, your captain, the other team and the tennis facility.
http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=666&tbm=isch&tbnid=yIaVTqp-iup8XM:&imgrefurl=http://coolspotters.com/clothing/nike-pink-polo-tennis-shirt&docid=krKxXrUW9_RgDM&imgurl=http://www4.images.coolspotters.com/photos/298238/nike-pink-polo-tennis-shirt-profile.jpg&w=300&h=300&ei=urP-UIemBoe62gXtgoHYBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=76&vpy=111&dur=1290&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=98&ty=112&sig=105575196704554255544&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=138&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:88

5. Don't Pack Heinekin in July

Before I divulge, I know a lot of people read this in Europe and other countries who drink heavier beer then we Americans do. Funny story, with the exception of Australia, about none of you have the brutal summers we have in America. Y'all think the production of Bud Light was an accident? Heck no, #foresight. Pack water, Gatorade and the cheap stuff. After a few hours of anything outdoors, it all tastes good. #Truestory

6. If You're Going to a Party...

ABSOLUTELY be that guy that brings a taco 12 pack after midnight. Everyone brought drinks or finger foods, but you just brought the party. There is an implied value that you are sharing, of course. Seriously, everyone wants to give Taco Bell this hard time about their adBROtising. But the truth is, everyone likes that guy that brings late night awesomeness to any party. Also whatever kind of awesome deals Crystal's has, you're the party super star and you know that when you bring that to the party. #Tennisbro

7. Never For Any Reason Talk About Ruzzle

Yes its cool and strangely addicting, but it doesn't need to be talked about. Use social media to find new partners to play with, but in person, Ruzzle like Rogaine, no one needs to hear about it.

8. An Idea for American Idol fan Bros

When in a room full of haters, just bring up the girl fits exchanged between Mariah and Nikki. I haven't watched American Idol since I thought Josh Gracin got a bad shake. But this is surely a conversation spark plug. Hilarious commercials too. Every bro circle has talked about this so far and the season is like 2 episodes old.

9. Acceptable Post-Match Victory Dances
- The Dougie; Duh
-The Moonwalk

SIDE NOTE: Really any Michael Jackson dance is cool and they're always socially appropriate

-The Macarena; given where you are
-The Cupid Shuffle
*NO GANGNAM STYLE EVER. This one had its 15 minutes. Believe me, I have gangnamed a time or 10, but now you're just out of touch with the times if you still do this.

10. If You're a cologne guy

1 spray is enough bro. No one wants to be able to smell you from the other side of the room, bro beans.

11. If You're a Girl who Uses Abundant Perfume

Keep up the good work. It smells amazing.

Tennis Elbow: People who demo racquets during a match. Never acceptable under any circumstances. Use the same one you're been using that you have a feel for. Only exception is a broken stick.

When in doubt, just smile and Te'o... Until its not funny anymore.

Which I don't at all recommend doing with an iphone all selfie-style. Doesn't fully capture the image.

Stay Stylish bros.

I'm on twitter @thetennisbro and on facebook but not google+ because I find it pointless.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

Tennis Bro on Youtube, Question Mark

Whats up bros?

Loving the steady influx of new readers coming mostly from Australia. I hope all of you are Foster's drunk watching the Aussie Open.

SIDE NOTE: I was just kidding, I know none of you actually drink that stuff.

8 bros and 8 sisters left standing in Melbourne right now; the dozens of you that read my write up on 10 dudes who will rise this year, you're all welcome for the early Jeremy Chardy exposure.

So a buddy of mine has started his own Youtube channel. So far it has mostly been about his hatred for Alaska, and his musings about our fantasy football league; he is coincidentally champion.

Recently he released a "happy birthday" video aimed at me. It is during my watching of this video that I a. laughed until my stomach hurt and b. became enlightened about an apparent squinting problem I have.

I am putting the link below to the video. Watch it for some laughs and subscribe for more outrageous inside jokes that you're probably not on the inside of.

SIDE NOTE: I am in the process of potentially beginning a Tennis Bro Youtube channel complete with ATP World Tour-type of vlogs as well as stuff it is important the world knows about.

Enjoy the video and follow me on twitter @thetennisbro or find me on Facebook to discuss all badass matters.

Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBYXVZ2I2IU

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

The Australian Open Drinking Game

Hey bros,

I am a disgusting human being, I mean disgusting, I just vacuumed my carpet in my apartment for the first time in the 8 months I've lived here the other day. Add that to my insane skills at drinking games

SIDE NOTE: I know that probably serves a shocker to those who have seen me do my 2 beer-blackout routine before, but I am an unstoppable force on any table where a race of some sort and cheap beer are involved #tennisbro.

I introduce to you, the Australian Open Drinking Game. This will surely make the most under appreciated major in the sport more awesome; I have broken it into 3 categories: sips, slugs and doubles.

Ready. Set. BRO. #Letsgetweird

Sips
This category is targeting the outside factors, taking a small sip because this occurs way more then it should.
-If the weather extremes are brought up: hot, cold, precipiation; hell anytime the weather is mentioned.
-When they cut to a shot of a Melbourne beach. Oh dear.
-When the viewing area around the grounds are shown and described as 'neat' or using any other adjective.
-When a monologue about a unique and delicious Australian food item is brought up
-If a newspaper clipping of Sam Stosur, Bernard Tomic or Lleyton Hewitt with some tacky caption comes up.
-If the term "down under" is used; and believe me, it will.

Slugs
Alright bros, this category involves full on cheap brew dog gulps for the following instances involving the 32 seeded players in the men's single's draw
1. Novak BROkovic- Every time his 2011 campaign, Aussie Open successes (including championships) OR his gluten free diet comes up.
2. Roger Federer- Any time his age comes into question, compliments about his movements; words like: feathery, glides or smooth are used. The number 17 is dropped.
3. Andy Murray- When they discuss his 2012 season, his mom and/or Ivan Lendl are shown or when the #AndyMurrayfaceofdiscomfort comes out.
4. David Ferrer- Any time a Rafa comparison is made, whenever his height or age is brought up, when words like 'warrior' or 'grinder' are used to describe his game.
5. Tomas Berdych- Times when the Czech Davis cup victory is brought up, when incidents involving Niko Almagro are brought up.
6. Juan Martin Del BROtro- When he is cited as "The Tower of Tandil", when his 2009 US Open title is brought up, when the Andy Roddick retirement match ending is shown.
7. Jo-Wilfred Tsonga- When his star power qualities are brought up.
8. Janko Tipsarevic- When his comments about pay differentials on both tours is brought up.
9. Richard Gasquet- Any time his cocaine-related suspension is brought up.
10. Nicolas Almagro- When his incidents with Tomas Berdych are brought up, when his number of aces comes on screen
11. Pico Monaco- When his breakout 2012 season is discussed or any time his clay court game is drooled over.
12. Marin Cilic- If his semifinal run in 2010 is brought up
13. Milos Raonic- Any time we are reminded he is Canadian and good at tennis.
14. Gilles Simon- The 50 times per match he's called a counter-puncher or pace-absorber
15. Stanislas Wawrinka- Whenever we are reminded he's from Switzerland too.
16. Kei Nishikori- Something about Japan or overproducing on tour.
17. Phillip Kohlschreiber- At the point when the announcer, or some tennis person in the room talks about how good this dude is on grass.
18. Alexandr Dolgopolov- Every time Jack Reader comes on camera or a hint about him being weird is dropped.
19. Tommy Haas- Every time his age is mentioned or a girl makes an objectifying comment about the way he looks.
20. Sam Querrey- When you're reminded he's the highest rated American or the status of American tennis is spoken down on.
21. Andreas Seppi- Every time a different announcer mis-pronounces his last name
22. Fernando Verdasco- The 3 to 5 times per match it comes up that he posed nude in a euro-mag for chairty.
23. Mikhail Youzhny- Any time his name is discussed for awesome things he accomplished before any of us could drink legally.
24. Jerzy Janowicz- When his record rise or win over Andy Murray is brought up. Also gulp for words like 'Dark horse' and 'the future'
25. Florian Mayer- When we're told he'll face Murray in the 3rd round. Don't think he'll be on tv too much before then.
26. Jurgen Melzer- Every time he changes head bands or called out for winning a 250 level tournament.
27. Martin Klizan- See Jerzy Janowicz
28. Marcos Baghdatis- This
29. Thomaz Belluci- Something kick ass is said about Brazilian Soccer, or something?
30. Marcel Granollers- Another mispronunciation case.
31. Radek Stepanek- Whenever his doubles mean streak is brought up, or he loses first round, your call.
32. Julien Bennetau- This guy got fined and/or suspended for a racial tirade. I need a drink.

Doubles
These are the best of the rest, some really kick between the legs. Take a double slug to these.
-Rafa Nadal's knees and the outcome of the tournament become synonymous
-John Isner, Mardy Fish and Jack Sock: All Americans, all hurt. Give 'em hell Sam Querrey.
-Bernard Tomic's off-the-court problems are brought up UNTIL he plays Roger Federer.
-The broadcasters say America is 4 years away from winning a slam on the men's side.
-On the girls side, Grunting and moaning kill ratings; promote deafness among tennis fans.


That's all bros.

Look for me on twitter @thetennisbro or facebook to talk about examples I missed.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

The Bro-est Aussie Open Preview of All Time

What's up internet bros?

Tennis season is alive and thriving again. Yesterday, as part of an extended celebration of my irrelevant 24th birthday, I had a few adult beverages... and filled out my Aussie Open Draw.

When I think of Australia, for the record, I usually think of smoking hot girls, saltwater crocs, and really just a bunch of poisonous s%$& in the outback that can kill you.

But the most forgettable major of every year is back brocheses. There are plenty of story lines in the boys 128, but what gives me some real tennis elbow, is the bros all star team of injuries:
-Rafa Nadal
-John Inser
-Jack Sock

Also not too terribly into the time difference; right now its like 5 pm next Tuesday in Melbourne.

I'm going give you my complete breakdown of everything you need to know about the men's singles draw starting with the QF match ups and moving into some of the radder stuff as I go along.

Ready. Set. BRO.

1/4 Match ups

Djokovic (1) vs. Berdych (5)
No real surprise, Novak "RKO" BROkovic has won this tournament the last 2 years and 3 of the last 5. Those who don't remember, it took he and Rafa 6 hours to culminate their match last year to a point neither could stand up; I'm a big fan of the commentary at the 2:00 mark. Berdych is good on all surfaces. He hits a hard serve, has an above average forehand and keeps himself in every match. He also likes Manchester United #Tennisbro

Ferrer (4) vs. Tipsarevic (8)
This match up will be more or less a celebration of achievement for both players given how tough this side of the draw is. David Ferrer hasn't missed a quarterfinal in like 11 years, I don't suppose he will now. Tipsy grows on me every single day. He'll have to survive hell to get this far. If he makes it, he make breach the top 5 in the next installment of Rad Rankings Top 10

Del Potro (6) vs. Murray (3)
Two former US Open champions. Murray has been here before, Del BROtro has seen the least success in his career so far down under. Lots of long rallies in this match. It will come down to conditioning, only one player here does that better then the rest and he will win this slugfest.

Tsonga (7) vs. Federer (2)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH *Takes a breath* HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The greatest tennis player to every pick up a racquet vs. the biggest 'When the matches matter' derp currently hailing from France. This will NOT be a repeat of the '11 Wimby quarters where Fed blew a 2-set lead. This will NOT be like the 2008 open where Tsonga made a run to the finals. This is a classic match up of the legend vs. the unrealized potential.

1/2 Match Ups
Djokovic (1) vs. Ferrer (4)
This is beginning to look a lot like that one douche bag in every march madness pool's bracket that just has the 1 seeds going to the finals doesn't it? BROkovic has too much firepower for Ferrer. Exciting match, probably a long match, but 1-sided when it counts.

Murray (3) vs. Federer (2)
Not going to be quite like the Gold Medal Match Slaughter. Murray in 5 sets.

Finals
Djokovic (1) vs. Murray (3)
Djoker in 4.

That's my prediction, now let's look at the more underlying drama

Catch My Breathe Moment

Fernando Verdasco after barely squeeking it out againt David Goffin of Belguim in the first round. I give Verdasco the upper hand due to his success in the Open in the past. He also has the cleanest looking lefty forehand stroke the game has ever seen; sorry John.

Most Likely Match to go the Distance With a Local Legend in it in the First Round

Former World Number 1 Lleyton Hewitt will play perhaps his last Aussie Open against 8th seeded Janko Tipsarevic. Expect 1 of 3 possible outcomes
1. Tipsy runs Roughshod and wins every set at 2.
2. Tipsy hangs on to win in 5.
3. Lucky Lleyton wins in 5 sets. There is no way Hewitt would be able to pull it off in less then 5.

The Other Local Darkhorse in the 1st

Marinko Matosevic has been on an absolute tear as of late, plays Marin Cilic (12) in the first round. I predict Cilic into the round of 16. But Matosevic will have full crowd support. This bro could catch lightning in a bottle, and given how easy this part of the draw is, find a match up with Del Potro in the round of 16.

Best 1st Round Match up Period

Alexandr Dolgopolov (18) vs. Gael Monfils

2 human highlight reels. One word to describe this match up, FAST. Another word to describe this match up, UNCONVENTIONAL. The Dolgo brings his best to Australia, we will see what kind of health Monfils is in. I'm saying Dolgopolov in 4 sets. This one will be unpredictable.

UPSET SPECIAL

Jarrko Nieminen of Finland will top pretty boy dinosaur Tommy Haas (19) in the first round. Haas shouldn't complain too much. He's probably expecting grand kids soon.

WOODSTOCK MELBOURNE

2nd round match up between Bernard BROmic and Martin Klizan (27). There is going to be young bro-ness to spare in this one. These two are going at it in Bernie's backyard for a chance to play Roger Federer. Giggity.

VERY BEST PRE-QUARTERS MATCH UP

Jerzy Janowicz (24) vs. Niko Almagro (10)

Big serving, big forehands. I think that if Janowicz wins this match he's most assuredly going to ride the momentum wave to the quarters. A win here assures him sweetheart status with all the writers; I was already sold when he balled out against Andy Murray in November. But I picked Almagro to win, he is kind of the coolest.

EASIEST ROAD TO QUARTERFINALS

Jo-Wilfred Tsonga. Llodra, Soeda, Belluci, Gasquet. He may not drop a set until he plays the quarters.

TOUGHEST ROAD TO FINALS

Roger Federer. Paire, Davydenko, Tomic/Klizan Winner, Raonic #ouch
Also see:
David Ferrer. Rochus, Karlovic, Baghdatis, Nishikori.
Janko Tipsareivc. Hewitt, Muller, Dmitrov, Almagro.

SIDE NOTE: Grigor Dimitrov "The Bulgarian Beater" best quidditch name in tennis.

THE FIREWORKS

Can not wait to see the explosion brought about by the Australian media if Tomic loses to Klizan and Hewitt to Tipsy and Matosevic to Cilic. All possible. in the first 4 days. May not be pretty.

What Really Gives me Tennis Elbow

The American outputs will be bleak. Brian Baker may not survive the first round. And if he does he'll play Sam Querrey. Querrey has the only shot of any American at making a run; unless Ryan Harrison beats Novak Djokovic in the 2nd round. He will have to face Stanislas Wawrinka in the 3rd round, the absolute model of consistency in singles and doubles.

That's all bros.

Later today I'll have the rules for the Australian Open drinking game.

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro, I'm also on facebook.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

Fantasy Football Hollywood Style

Hey bros,

As you all know, the College Football National Championship was played last night, and boy was it ever dramatic. In the Southeastern section of the United States of America that pretty much means football season is over.

With so much talk in the office about the game and about football, the other guy I let share my office and I began to discuss what kind of glorious outcomes would manifest if we drafted a fantasy football team made entirely of movie characters.

SIDENOTE: You're probably saying, tennis bro, like 15 bleacher report writers have already done this. Take their word for it, bros, but lets face it, a tennis coach who aspires to be a WWE champion usually knows way more about what it takes to get it done then a journalist in New York, right? Right.

Now, using the fantasy football roster format of a 15 man roster, I have made a team good enough to compete with Notre Dame in last night's national championship. And maybe even dynamic enough to top the Tide.

This is how I would draft the team

Ready. Set. BRO.

Quarterbacks

Steamin Willie Beamen (Any Given Sunday)- Obviously every person to ever draft one of these teams has him as their first round draft pick. We are in the era of the dual-threat qb; which I had to edit so my dingus older brother doesn't remind me again why I need a spell checker. Beamen can beat you with his arms and with his legs. He is 100% pure swagger coming out of Dallas, Texas. Not only are you guaranteed a show on the field, but a Kardashian-like dynamic off it. He is also responsible for the best rap song/protein advertisement in the history of football movies where dude's eyes fall out. He's most assuredly 25 points a game, minimum.

Johnny Moxon (Varsity Blues)- How many 90's teen heart throb characters can say they have been a party to a whipped cream bikini courtesy of Ali Larter's teen body AND Tim Tebow completely ripping off your halftime speech in the national championship? Mox was, and still is, the best back up quarterback in the history of football movies. He set the standard for guys like Aaron Rodgers and Matt Flynn to rise up from behind the shadows and be heroes; and then go back to the shadows if you're Matt Flynn. He is a future IVY Leaguer who can scramble around and make plays. Had knowledge of the Mississippi Valley State spread offense before it became a mainstream thing. #Hipstersuperstar. Best back up still on the board after Ronny "Sunshine" Bass (Remember the Titans) and Joe Kane (The Program) get taken off the board.

Look for guys like Mike Winchell (Friday Night Lights) and Paul Crewe (The Longest Yard) to be available.

Runningbacks

Boobie Miles (Friday Night Lights)- The inspiration for the great Brian "Smash" Williams of the TV Show Friday Night Lights. It is plain and simple, if you want to win, Give Boobie the ball. This bro is such a beast, he makes Adrian Peterson look like the scout team. He caught a bad wrap tearing his ACL in the 80's. Had he had my doctor, we would still be talking about him as the biggest beast ever. Can cut left, cut right, and go right through a tackler. He's easily a 15 points a week kind of guy.

Spike (Little Giants)- Spike Don't Play With Girls! I get it bro, though I am some times curious about the gender of the others in my league #fantasyfootballburnbros. Spike is an old school power back, like Ron Dayne, but not as slow and fat. He's probably better used as a bench guy in the modern football league. Kind of a consistent 6-8 points kind of guy; which was about all the production I got out of my backs this year any way. He's a redzone type of back coming out of the Power-I Formation. Has the potential to Score abundantly in short-yardage situation.

Darnell Jefferson (The Program)- The Confidence. The Ability. The carnal knowledge of Halle Berry before we all saw her in Swordfish. Darnell Jefferson ran out a whole lot of misdirection counters. He's fast and can get it done between the tackles and bouncing outside. He does suffer from the condition Fumbleitis which categorizes itself in lots of dropped balls and -2 points for turnovers. You're playing a serious game of Russian Roulette when you insert him in, but like the kind of Russian Roulette where instead of just not being shot, something awesome happens like you grow a mustache. He could, at any time, go total Boobie Miles on you too. D-Jeff is more sought after, to me, as a starting runningback then Spike.

Charlie Dillion (School Ties)- Enter our second IVY Leaguer onto our fantasy bench. True story I had Ryan Fitzpatrick on my fantasy team this year, I would prefer to have these nerds rebooting NASA, but something about Charlie Dillion tells me he has a little Jason Bourne in him. There isn't anything substantial about Dillion, he's a busted QB that was inserted as the fullback in the Wing-T offense when the most athletic Jewish guy in film history, David Greene, enrolled at ST. Matthews. He can block, he can run; but not well. Keep Dillion around as trade bait for when the season grows long and the line up thin.

Earl Meggett (The Longest Yard)- The Barefooted scatback beat the guards in every which way possible. Though against NFL defenders and not professional wrestlers, I see those yards being harder to come by. League rules state that a player must wear protective footwear, so he may lose a step. He does still have monster potential, probably a solid guy to have back deep on kicks with Forrest Gump. He's a bench guy/special matchups player to have.

Wide Receivers

Forrest Gump (Forrest Gump)- In the most improbable move of all time, I drafted Bama alum Forrest Gump to play WR/flex for my team that I have named Notre Dame's BCS National Derpinship. You see, Forrest Gump wasn't just talented his epic poem kind of journey to find true love with his AIDS-infected love of his childhood. He can run up the middle, catch passes in the flat AND... He's the best kick returner in the history of history. Gump is so locked in at all times that he'll take out a trombonist if it means putting points on the board. And when he puts points on the board, I put points on the board. He's a 10-20 points a week kind of guy.

Rod Tidwell (Jerry McGuire)- He made the phrase "Show me the money" a phrase. He kicked a ton of ass with Tom Cruise in his home state of Arizona. He most certainly showed out on Monday Night Football against the Cowboys. He is a franchise receiver, I had one like him named Larry Fitzgerald on my league champion team last year. Tidwell isn't the biggest or fastest player in the league, but he is darn sure a consistent wide receiver. In a sport that is missing Jerry Rice, thank god we have Mr. Tidwell. SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!

Charlie Tweeder (Varsity Blues)- The most charismatic under-aged date rapist in West Texas is a phenomenal slot guy. Like Wayne Chrebet, it doesn't have to be him accumulating 70 yards after the catch on 3 passes, its him gaining 70 yards on 7 catches, and 2 of them being touchdowns. That's an easy 19 points right there. He is a potential cop car steeling, wiffle ball bat nut tapping, points-getting machine in the on this team. And it is very nice.

Jimmy Sanderson (Any Given Sunday)- It seems as if I am circling the wagons, but number 88 is the best receiver that ever lived and can catch anything; just ask him. The Dallas Crusaders learned the hard way that he can not be tamed in 1-on-1 coverage. When not doing blow with LL Cool J and LT, Jimmy is a long gains machine. Very similar to any receiver on the Packers roster.

Tight End

Brian Murphey (The Replacements)- Something about this guy says he has an aggressive side. Probably him destroying a bar in season 3 of the Office while playing Roy. He's a deaf mute, but he has sick hands. He's like Jeremy Shockey without the ability to hear. Playing safety valve on designed roll outs from Beamen spell tremendous potential for a big and sure-handed TE. Consider Rudy Zolteck too, he is flatulently propelled to success.

Kicker

Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff (The Replacements)- Ole Ole Ole Ole Oleeee. Nigel can kick a soccer ball the entire length of the field.

SIDENOTE: Serious apologies to all the readers abroad, I know calling soccer is a bastardization to your version of football.

He's wirey, he smokes cigarettes on the field and hits on sideline reporters; what isn't bro about this guy, seriously? The Welsh tender foot can kick, that is confirmed. He does have a gambling problem though, so as long as he bets on himself, we should be in business.

Defense/Special Teams

SCLSU Mud Dogs (The Waterboy)- Led by the power of Bobby Boucher's afro. A lot of angst has been stored in those cajun locks for 31 years. The fact that he is everywhere on the field means a lot of sacks, forced fumbles, fumble recoveries and Defensive TD's. This is a powerhouse pick. Potentially 30 points a game or more every time on ESPN. This may be a first round pick.

The Giants Goal Line D (Little Giants)- Only their goal line D after stopping the Cowboys. Becky "Ice Box" O'Shea is the truth wearing number 56 in Urbana. They're a break even at best defense on a normal day. Rad Tad Hanon is liable to make some plays in the secondary.

That's the draft. Here is How the Line Up Looks:
QB Willie Beamen
RB Boobie Miles
RB Darnell Jefferson
WR Rod Tidwell
WR Charlie Tweeder
TE Brain Murphey
FLEX Forrest Gump
DEF/ST SCLSU Mud Dogs
K Nigel 'The Leg' Gruff

That's a wrap on football season. I leave you with this video to enjoy the world over of my older brother getting humbled MAJOR for finishing last place in my fantasy football league this year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TY1LjtLN1aE

Lots and Lots of good tennis coming up for the bro next week with the Australian Open finally bringing a start to the year for Novak Djokovic's trophy case.

Follow Me on Twitter @thetennisbro

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

Winning Streak

Bros, time out from tennis, we need to talk about football of the American variety for a second.

I have a lot of theories, most of which I have posted on the internet, for you to enjoy. And so far 1502 of you across 5 different continents have, so they must be either correct or so ridiculous that you can't help but buy into it. Either case I want to talk about winning streaks for a minute because I have 1 going now for more then 16 years, or, 2/3 of my life.

When I use the term "winning streak", I must clarify that a winning streak means 3 triumphs in succession.

This particular one started when I was a young 7 year old living in the south of Texas. The Cowboys, at the time, were right up there with the Roman Legion for baddest mofos ever.

They were going up against a city, which at this point, I can call my little brother, where football is concerned. The underdog wannabes lining up against America's team were the Steelers of Pittsburgh in Super Bowl 30. I do not call them wannabes out of disrespect; that's about as anti-bro as it gets. I merely mean, the Steelers were walking into the Arizona trying to best a team that had won 2 out of the last 3 super bowls with a running back who ran for a league record for rushing touchdowns.

Any who, to make a long story short, the cowboys scampered off to 27-17 win and Super Bowl immortality. On that faithful January evening, a first grader in Texas whose classmates so callously referred to as "El Gringo" began a winning streak that has stood through 3 presidencies and still rages harder then Lindsay Lohan.

Tennis Bro 1, City of Pittsburgh 0

Flash Forward 15 years to Super Bowl 45. My actual favorite team after a family tour of duty in Green Bay during the Favre era, is the Packers. Those little engines that could, behind a Samuel L. Jackson-type of badass named Aaron Rodgers faced those same Steelers in Dallas.

After what was perhaps the most frustrating football game I have sat through and 1 too many fried pickles; made by the culinary genius of myself #cheftennisbro, I watched my Packers triumph over the Steelers 31-25. The trophy going back to Titletown was a lot like Federer regaining Wimbledon glory this last summer.

And I win again.

Tennis Bro 2, City of Pittsburgh 0

NOW ON TO YESTERDAY

Something about me you may not know, I went to the University of Mississippi. Our Ole Miss Rebels football program historically, is a lot like West Ham United Football Club. With a few exceptions, we mostly hover around the bottom of mediocre bell curve and are made famous by a movie about our team.

The Rebels played against the Pittsburgh Panthers in the BBVA Compass Bowl in Birmingham.

SIDENOTE: BBVA does NOT make compasses, much to my surprise and albeit disappointment.

Legendary Legion field was covered in a sea of red as the Ole Miss faithful traveled 50,000 strong. 2 teams both 6-6 squared off in what actually a pretty slow game. The Rebels could have scored 50 points if they didn't shoot themselves in the foot so many times with mental mistakes. As for the Panthers, they did not want to be there; this actually being made public by players when learning they'd be Birmingham bound for the 3rd year in a row.

Ole Miss triumphed 38-17 with Pitt's last TD coming in what was essentially mop up time for the Ole Miss second string. It felt pretty awesome to watch my team win, but even better was realizing that again, I took down the City of Pittsburgh in football.

Tennis Bro 3, City of Pittsburgh 0.

So I totally own Pittsburgh in American football. One thing, however, that gives me tennis elbow, is knowing that Pittsburgh hockey prince Sydney Crosby is somewhere smiling that the NHL season will finally happen. I have not forgotten how much I hate Sydney Crosby for what he did.

Let me be clear about my take on the Olympics, everything everyone does there is awesome. Unless you are a hockey player on the opposing team scoring a game winning goal against the Americans in a medal round match, ya dig?

That's all bros. Next time I beat the city of Pittsburgh in football, I will update all of you across the globe.

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro

Suck one Crosby

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro

The Drive/The Average Sunday

Whats up bros?

I made a little road trip south to New Orleans for New Years to visit my best good friend, Caroline. My time spent in the Big Easy was fantastic. Even better was the ride down provided me a chance to finally pay respect to one of my great inspirations. For clarity's sake, maybe not an inspiration for say this blog, or anything I do while at work... like type this in my down time; but a literary genius who makes me laugh frequently.

Chad Kultgen is an author from Hollywood. His debut novel, The Average American Male is my favorite book I have stumbled upon yet; outside of a classroom setting. He has 3 novels so far and another coming out in February called The Average American Marriage; which I pre-ordered on Friday. Chad Kultgen, to me, is a bit of a revolutionary. His books are very in your face where the battle of the sexes are concerned. However, there is always an underlying theme to each of his works that critics, and feminists, seem to overlook. Anyway, I have been saying for a while I was going to pay homage to my favorite chapter of his work for months, and now I finally am.

In his first novel, the narrator; whose age, name and occupation, the reader never learns, divulges into a minute-per-minute breakdown of what he does on a usual Sunday. Though my usual Sunday is NOTHING like his, I still find that I am, perhaps, half as funny as the narrator. The final stretch of 2012 was crazy for me, 6 of the last 8 weekends spent out of town, but my Sunday was a reflection enough, so I am going to try my best to recap in the same fashion.

Ready. Set. BRO.

8:44 am Rise and Shine

8:47 am Determine my choice of shampoo has always been lousy

8:55 am start packing

8:56 am Finish packing

8:58 am Start driving to New Orleans

9:05 am Turn on KISS Greatest Hits album

10:20 am Around Louisiana Border I meet up with a real Masshole driving an Avalanche; or so I thought was a masshole, turns out this dude was a major bro.

INTERRUPTION: This dude from Massachusetts was also headed to New Orleans, for about an hour and half stretch he and I engaged in what a hashtag can only conclude to known as the #I55GrandPrix.

Let's be real, my Wrangler probably tops out at about 86 miles per hour. in order to reach such a speed, one must be pedal to the floor going down a big hill for a LONG time to reach that speed. So this dude in his big truck was like the hare racing against a very out of shape tortoise. It was a mid the constant BRO race that I became locked in a favorite past time of mine, absent-minded thinking.

10:25 am Masshole pulls around me, giving me the gangsta eyes while doing so.

At this point I conclude that I have forgotten my phone charger #figures. This I would confirm merely an hour and half later.

10:35 am I pass the dude doing the Kobe Bryant finger point; googled 'Kobe Bryant can't touch dis' to find it #BlackMamba.

I got an email notification several miles back that I finally check. I am informed I did not win my bid on a rad lacoste tennis sweater on ebay. This is utterly the 13th time I've lost a similar bidding war. One of these days the boy will become a man and utilize the 'Buy Now' option. One of these days, bros.

10:40 am Masshole passes me again doing the Robert DeNiro/Ben Stiller 'eyes on your' gesture from Meet the Parents,

The song 'Break Your Heart' by Taio Cruz comes on shuffle. Have any of y'all watched that video? Two observations, number 1. I'm shocked Taio Cruz doesn't have like 10 big time hits yet and number 2. That video probably has the most awkwardly woven love web ever.

10:50 am Finally catch up and make a pass somewhere around Hammon, LA while doing the sprinter arms at Masshole.

I begin to consider the modern state of WWE, CM Punk and John Cena are both great champions, but I am becoming very worried there will never as balanced a champ as Edge ever again. And for goodness sake's can they please hurry up and bring back cruiserweights, all this training I keep putting myself through is exhausting. #ElLoco

10:52 am Masshole pulls in front again. He does a military salute as he goes by. It is at this point I am determined to tell everyone I talk to in New Orleans about this epic exchange.

Les Grossman is a terrific character in Tropic Thunder. He's everything I expect my ass hole brother @2finestein is going to be once he goes bald and takes over the film studio he works for in LA. I wonder how it is that they made Tom Cruise's hands and arms so unbelievably gnarly and disgusting in that film.

11:29 am My car needed a cigarette break.. Just kidding, Alice doesn't smoke and neither does your boy, the bro. But I'm sure my engine was panting a bit from trying to go the 70 MPH speed limit. When I passed Masshole for the last time, I did the robot using my right arm. Mr. Roboto was NOT playing, and that dance is still cool.

I can't believe 4 months after the Andy Roddick retired, Larry Stefanki hasn't been swallowed up by any pros. There has been a lot of limbo and reshuffling on the ATP World Tour. At first I thought Jo-Wilfred Tsonga was going to hire him; with all of his tools it is hard to believe he hasn't at least played in more finals then his token appearance in the '08 Aussie. I suppose this will be his platform to continue his pattern of complaining, a common practice among underachieving Frenchmen. And ones who do accomplish stuff, #YannickNoah. Bernard Tomic is still in what appears to be a waiting stage in dealing with his father as coach. Sam Querrey would have been sexy option to team up with, but I assume he is happy with the way things are.

Larry Stefanki is the ultimate BROach on the ATP World Tour. Dating back to his youth, he was the 3rd of 3 brothers to play tennis at the same school, and in California being from Illinois #Dynasty. His coaching resume includes the likes of a guy you may have heard of named John McEnroe, Marcelo Rios and Yevgeny Kafelnikov (Both of whom reached world number 1 status). He transformed Fernando Gonzalez  from the racket smashing machine to an Aussie Open finalist; he quickly morphed back into a racket smashing machine after their partnership ended. And for the last 3 years, Coach Stefanki was in charge of the resurgence of Andy Roddick.

Credit Stefanki too with his amazing ability of improving player's on-court awareness and his ability to wear logos as big as he possibly can. He also dons the best Ass Hole Cut of anyone in the tennis game right now.

I'm sure the next opportunity will appear soon. If not, his legend may exceed his output. Just ask Jon Gruden.

12:15 pm hit New Orleans traffic.

12:50 pm get out of New Orleans traffic.

12:51 pm RAGE!!

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro and absolutely check out The Average American Marriage and anything else ever as done by Chad Kultgen.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro