The weather in Mississippi, America is starting to get warmer; meaning outdoor tennis is coming back like the next installment of Die Hard.
As a sports fan, I believe in 3 things as surely as I breathe:
1. For Love of the Game is the greatest guy-cry film of all time. Period.
2. The universe hates the Atlanta Falcons; for whatever reason
3. Style is the secret to winning tennis matches
Here's my style tips for the 2013 season.
SIDE NOTE: Ladies, sorry these are mostly dude-centric, but y'all are doing more stuff correctly then we are.
Ready. Set. BRO.
1. Practice Your Fist Pump
You have a mirror. These things need to be properly planned to keep you from looking like a monkey having a seizure. Picking a fist pump is a lot like choosing a suitor. It has to be mysterious and cool, aesthetically pleasing and molds well with your personality. Take 20 minutes a week before the season starts, shop the internet for celebrations and start practicing. The right fist pump can do wonders for finding your happy place on court. See the link below for the greatest fist pump of all time.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbSkob_WxkA
2. Grow a Mustache
Bros you should have done that anyway. Having a killer police officer mustache will win you multiple games just out of respect. Think I'm kidding?
3. Share Your Sunscreen
I'm not even talking about on the tennis court. Ladies, when you're at the pool or the beach and you're in the company of folks that don't have some, share some. The two worst feelings on earth are forgetting your chapstick and realizing when its hot out that you forgot sunscreen. Google it. Though I only recommend the sharing of your SPF 30. There is not and will never be a part on here about sharing chapstick.
4. Don't be That guy in a pink Shirt
Bro, 45 year old guy, you are NOT Roger Federer. You are NOT a highlighter either. But you are being made fun of by both guys on the other team and not just during warm ups, but throughout the match no matter how many aces or winners you hit.
Don't but this shirt. Spare yourself, your doubles partner, your captain, the other team and the tennis facility.
http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&sa=X&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=666&tbm=isch&tbnid=yIaVTqp-iup8XM:&imgrefurl=http://coolspotters.com/clothing/nike-pink-polo-tennis-shirt&docid=krKxXrUW9_RgDM&imgurl=http://www4.images.coolspotters.com/photos/298238/nike-pink-polo-tennis-shirt-profile.jpg&w=300&h=300&ei=urP-UIemBoe62gXtgoHYBw&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=76&vpy=111&dur=1290&hovh=225&hovw=225&tx=98&ty=112&sig=105575196704554255544&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=138&start=0&ndsp=36&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:88
5. Don't Pack Heinekin in July
Before I divulge, I know a lot of people read this in Europe and other countries who drink heavier beer then we Americans do. Funny story, with the exception of Australia, about none of you have the brutal summers we have in America. Y'all think the production of Bud Light was an accident? Heck no, #foresight. Pack water, Gatorade and the cheap stuff. After a few hours of anything outdoors, it all tastes good. #Truestory
6. If You're Going to a Party...
ABSOLUTELY be that guy that brings a taco 12 pack after midnight. Everyone brought drinks or finger foods, but you just brought the party. There is an implied value that you are sharing, of course. Seriously, everyone wants to give Taco Bell this hard time about their adBROtising. But the truth is, everyone likes that guy that brings late night awesomeness to any party. Also whatever kind of awesome deals Crystal's has, you're the party super star and you know that when you bring that to the party. #Tennisbro
7. Never For Any Reason Talk About Ruzzle
Yes its cool and strangely addicting, but it doesn't need to be talked about. Use social media to find new partners to play with, but in person, Ruzzle like Rogaine, no one needs to hear about it.
8. An Idea for American Idol fan Bros
When in a room full of haters, just bring up the girl fits exchanged between Mariah and Nikki. I haven't watched American Idol since I thought Josh Gracin got a bad shake. But this is surely a conversation spark plug. Hilarious commercials too. Every bro circle has talked about this so far and the season is like 2 episodes old.
9. Acceptable Post-Match Victory Dances
- The Dougie; Duh
-The Moonwalk
SIDE NOTE: Really any Michael Jackson dance is cool and they're always socially appropriate
-The Macarena; given where you are
-The Cupid Shuffle
*NO GANGNAM STYLE EVER. This one had its 15 minutes. Believe me, I have gangnamed a time or 10, but now you're just out of touch with the times if you still do this.
10. If You're a cologne guy
1 spray is enough bro. No one wants to be able to smell you from the other side of the room, bro beans.
11. If You're a Girl who Uses Abundant Perfume
Keep up the good work. It smells amazing.
Tennis Elbow: People who demo racquets during a match. Never acceptable under any circumstances. Use the same one you're been using that you have a feel for. Only exception is a broken stick.
When in doubt, just smile and Te'o... Until its not funny anymore.
Stay Stylish bros.
I'm on twitter @thetennisbro and on facebook but not google+ because I find it pointless.
Gin Gin
Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro
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