The Australian Open Drinking Game

Hey bros,

I am a disgusting human being, I mean disgusting, I just vacuumed my carpet in my apartment for the first time in the 8 months I've lived here the other day. Add that to my insane skills at drinking games

SIDE NOTE: I know that probably serves a shocker to those who have seen me do my 2 beer-blackout routine before, but I am an unstoppable force on any table where a race of some sort and cheap beer are involved #tennisbro.

I introduce to you, the Australian Open Drinking Game. This will surely make the most under appreciated major in the sport more awesome; I have broken it into 3 categories: sips, slugs and doubles.

Ready. Set. BRO. #Letsgetweird

Sips
This category is targeting the outside factors, taking a small sip because this occurs way more then it should.
-If the weather extremes are brought up: hot, cold, precipiation; hell anytime the weather is mentioned.
-When they cut to a shot of a Melbourne beach. Oh dear.
-When the viewing area around the grounds are shown and described as 'neat' or using any other adjective.
-When a monologue about a unique and delicious Australian food item is brought up
-If a newspaper clipping of Sam Stosur, Bernard Tomic or Lleyton Hewitt with some tacky caption comes up.
-If the term "down under" is used; and believe me, it will.

Slugs
Alright bros, this category involves full on cheap brew dog gulps for the following instances involving the 32 seeded players in the men's single's draw
1. Novak BROkovic- Every time his 2011 campaign, Aussie Open successes (including championships) OR his gluten free diet comes up.
2. Roger Federer- Any time his age comes into question, compliments about his movements; words like: feathery, glides or smooth are used. The number 17 is dropped.
3. Andy Murray- When they discuss his 2012 season, his mom and/or Ivan Lendl are shown or when the #AndyMurrayfaceofdiscomfort comes out.
4. David Ferrer- Any time a Rafa comparison is made, whenever his height or age is brought up, when words like 'warrior' or 'grinder' are used to describe his game.
5. Tomas Berdych- Times when the Czech Davis cup victory is brought up, when incidents involving Niko Almagro are brought up.
6. Juan Martin Del BROtro- When he is cited as "The Tower of Tandil", when his 2009 US Open title is brought up, when the Andy Roddick retirement match ending is shown.
7. Jo-Wilfred Tsonga- When his star power qualities are brought up.
8. Janko Tipsarevic- When his comments about pay differentials on both tours is brought up.
9. Richard Gasquet- Any time his cocaine-related suspension is brought up.
10. Nicolas Almagro- When his incidents with Tomas Berdych are brought up, when his number of aces comes on screen
11. Pico Monaco- When his breakout 2012 season is discussed or any time his clay court game is drooled over.
12. Marin Cilic- If his semifinal run in 2010 is brought up
13. Milos Raonic- Any time we are reminded he is Canadian and good at tennis.
14. Gilles Simon- The 50 times per match he's called a counter-puncher or pace-absorber
15. Stanislas Wawrinka- Whenever we are reminded he's from Switzerland too.
16. Kei Nishikori- Something about Japan or overproducing on tour.
17. Phillip Kohlschreiber- At the point when the announcer, or some tennis person in the room talks about how good this dude is on grass.
18. Alexandr Dolgopolov- Every time Jack Reader comes on camera or a hint about him being weird is dropped.
19. Tommy Haas- Every time his age is mentioned or a girl makes an objectifying comment about the way he looks.
20. Sam Querrey- When you're reminded he's the highest rated American or the status of American tennis is spoken down on.
21. Andreas Seppi- Every time a different announcer mis-pronounces his last name
22. Fernando Verdasco- The 3 to 5 times per match it comes up that he posed nude in a euro-mag for chairty.
23. Mikhail Youzhny- Any time his name is discussed for awesome things he accomplished before any of us could drink legally.
24. Jerzy Janowicz- When his record rise or win over Andy Murray is brought up. Also gulp for words like 'Dark horse' and 'the future'
25. Florian Mayer- When we're told he'll face Murray in the 3rd round. Don't think he'll be on tv too much before then.
26. Jurgen Melzer- Every time he changes head bands or called out for winning a 250 level tournament.
27. Martin Klizan- See Jerzy Janowicz
28. Marcos Baghdatis- This
29. Thomaz Belluci- Something kick ass is said about Brazilian Soccer, or something?
30. Marcel Granollers- Another mispronunciation case.
31. Radek Stepanek- Whenever his doubles mean streak is brought up, or he loses first round, your call.
32. Julien Bennetau- This guy got fined and/or suspended for a racial tirade. I need a drink.

Doubles
These are the best of the rest, some really kick between the legs. Take a double slug to these.
-Rafa Nadal's knees and the outcome of the tournament become synonymous
-John Isner, Mardy Fish and Jack Sock: All Americans, all hurt. Give 'em hell Sam Querrey.
-Bernard Tomic's off-the-court problems are brought up UNTIL he plays Roger Federer.
-The broadcasters say America is 4 years away from winning a slam on the men's side.
-On the girls side, Grunting and moaning kill ratings; promote deafness among tennis fans.


That's all bros.

Look for me on twitter @thetennisbro or facebook to talk about examples I missed.

Gin Gin

Billy Stein ~ The Tennis Bro