The Almost Famous Litmus Test

How's it going bros?

If there is one thing about living in Jackson, MS that really chaps my behind, it is the distinct lack of people to play doubles with. I mean it, I can not ever find a steady partner. This should be hard to believe given the vast number of tennis bros in the city, but I can not seem to find them.

Doubles is really hit or miss. One must have the right partner. My buddy Dee and I have played several matches with one another and done pretty well. Dee is solid player with a big first serve and power forehand he can control down the lines about on command. For all intents and purposes, we out-talent most everyone we beat; he out talents them, I just fly around the court and try to hit the ball in. That is all good and grand, but, he and I really are not compatible partners. I am high octane, I tell jokes, and I am all about us taking our opponents ground strokes away by building an in-penetrable wall around the net with quick hands and short volleys. Dee will play standard one up, one back and is, at times, a space cadet. He's going to hit me when he reads this so I'm throwing this out there, he's like the little leaguer that picks flowers in the outfield.

I am all about playing with Dee because he's a pretty rad bro. He is also my go-to guy to pound brews with and is single, ladies. His schedule is also crazy while completing his course load for a Masters in Biology; nerd. Besides the fact that I need someone to play more tennis with, this person has to accommodate the tennis bro's keys to success in doubles for a lacking stroker. They are the following:
1. Laughs at every one of my jokes; and they're all hilarious
2. high fives after every point; I also accept chest bumps
3. can create a 135 degree angle to the allies on an inside out forehand and a 45 degree ball flight on a hook stroke.
4. Believes in playing at the net
5. Brings the beer

That would be nirvana for me. It isn't fair that the Bryan Bros are the same person born twice, righty and lefty and possess a lot of skill. Doubles glory, and great hair, was granted to them by the deities on the sports Mount Olympus.

For the rest of us, there needs to be an easier way to sift through the dozens of failed doubles partnerships and find the perfect fit. I have something similar to it in my dating scheme, I call it the Almost Famous Litmus Test. 

My dating strategy, or at least my first few dates, is pretty on point at this stage in the game. Like any great tennis bro, I have had to evolve with the age in order to succeed. It isn't wise for a dude to show his hand, but I figure some of you that are reading this have probably gone through the routine anyways.
First you meet the girl; usually in college it was in class or through a friend. Now a days I aim for pumpkin patches and the public library to meet respectable ladies. Next step you take them out for a few drinks to get to know them better; this elicits looser conversation and takes the pressure of having a timed situation like a sit-down dinner off. Then you hang out with them socially. The 4th installment is what I like to call the Almost Famous Litmus Test, this is the crucial piece of the puzzle, and I will explain it here.
Ready. Set. BRO.

Those that know me well, know that Almost Famous is my favorite Almost Love Story of all time. The film depicts a 15 year old journalist following around a rising band called Stillwater. This sheltered 15 year old is exposed to the rock star lifestyle for the first time in his life, and handles himself pretty well I think. This is probably the most quotable movie of all time, if not American Psycho. I fancy myself as Russell Hammond, the guitar player with flare; though some I know would try to pin me as Lester Bangs or the silent drummer in the band. trust me, I'm Russell Hammond.

This movie is a masterpiece and it is important any girl I am going to date be a fan of this movie. Liking this movie demonstrates an appreciation for American Music History, ability to decipher fine work and enjoyment of a smart comedy. I rate compatibility with how many times random and unwarranted conversation surfaces during the film, how often texting happens and if questions are asked; thats a perk actually. I try not to be the dude that speaks loudly and negatively during chick flicks, I like the same courtesy being extended during Almost Famous. I do not have a Miami Vice scale for this, though I should.

If there was such an easy and available system for weeding out bad doubles partners, I would be all about it. But I don't have one in place, its more of a desperation card I play. If you personally have a good scale of determinants please email it to me at realtennisbro@gmail.com.

Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro

Next time I will be talking about Brozilla the man child composed of all the best traits of the bros on the ATP World Tour.