Hows it going bros?
Over 100 views in my 1st 2 hours, anyone see super stardom in my future? Me either.
When I was giving a glance into the on-broings inside my head, I withheld a very important character trait. I rampage a lot of television. Hell, my older brother even works in television and his stock is on the rise major in ole Hollywood. Not because of his work, but because he and I announced our plan to make a late push for the presidency, despite being more than 10 years too young, on average, for such a position. You can follow him on twitter @2finestein to see our platform.
My favorite television show of all time is Miami Vice. Don't think for 1 second my tortoise skin wayfarers are unintentional, they are a full-on Sonny Crockett rip off. Miami Vice was a show about the Vice Unit of Dade County Police. They were outrageously chillin' in expensive get up, pushing Ferraris and busting up drug dealers. Crockett and Tubbs were so money and they definitely had an idea of it; Swingers reference. The show colors were even a neon 80's version of Wimby colors. Seems like there should be a reason I add this right? Well there is. Whenever I judge a tennis player's radness, I always compare him or her to Miami Vice, and whether watch the player would be more fun or less fun to watch play then a standard episode of Miami Vice; like Smuggler's Blues. The Rad Rankings are Born. A player's ranking is somewhere between 1 and Miami Vice. 1 being worthless, and Miami Vice being the raddest dude on court.
One particular player on the list, Roger Federer, did 2 particularly rad things recently. He won Wimbledon for the 7th time in July against a surging hometown player, Andy Murray, and a hostile crowd. He also put the shirt he wore in the match up for auction yesterday for a charity other than his already fat wallet; being rich is super rad, giving to those less fortunate, Rico Tubbs rad.
Inspired, I decided to do the same. I wanted to put my socks I wore yesterday while coaching tennis up for auction, too. One man's sweaty socks are another man's treasure, that he pays top dollar for in order to support charity right? Wrong! No one placed a bid; I started at 500 euros, cheap busters. You can still do so, bidding will commence at 900,000 Monopoly Dollars or $17.00 American. The charity I started for it is the Billy Stein ~ Tennis Bro Foundation for Normal Sized Folks who Will Shrink to Jawa From Star Wars Size by 40. You can start your bidding now on Twitter @thetennisbro.
My hat is off to Fed for being such a bro of the 1st degree in giving sweaty shirts to the less fortunate. In the spirit of giving, I will now give you the list of the 10 raddest players on the ATP World Tour.
Ready. Set. BRO.
10. Roger Federer- Yeah yeah, Fed outdoes me in philanthropy and has won 17 Majors and almost 80 titles and is the biggest icon this sport has ever seen. We get it. He's a little more domesticated then I see myself at 30, personally. I mean the wife and twins daughters that are girls thing; better you than me bro. Your accomplishments are so rad though and I would choose you over about every episode of Vice apart from 'Glades'; greatest hour of television of all time. Keep broing, bro.
9. Juan Martin Del BROtro- This bro almost reminds me of Duke basketball. By that I mean his last title was my junior year of college and I always pick him to make a run and get disappointed. Too much. It is so rad that his 1 major was the US Open in 2009 over Mr. Federer. DelBRO is my age but looks like he's about 45; that isn't meant to be a stab, I hate getting carded, which always happens. Given his youth, he is still poised to be a contender for the time being. His nickname, the Tower of Tandil, so rad. His rating, a 7; always depends on his opponent before I plug up the Vice Deevs.
8. Devin Britton- Part of me wanted to put Rafa Nadal on this list, but I feel like he will be perfectly content with chillin' with his boys; by that I mean trophies and he has 11 of them from Majors. You may not have heard of this guy yet unless you're from Mississippi; don't worry, you will. He has won 10 doubles titles this year on the Futures circuit, most of which with the same partner; Tennis bro maneuver, big time. He was a year younger than me at Ole Miss where he won the national championship as a freshman and was up a break over Fed the same year at the US Open. He is also from Jackson, where I currently live, and rages burritos on the reg. I can't think of a radder dude without serious hardware yet. He definitely scores a perfect Miami Vice ranking.
7. Lukas Rosol- I literally don't know anything about this guy; and it would be very uncharacteristic of me to do research, so I won't. I know Rafa was hurt when Rosol won that 2nd round match at Wimbledon, but still such a rage thing to do. He won that match by hitting every ball as hard as he possibly could. He was like that little leaguer that swings as hard as he can every at bat and strikes out until that one bottom of the 9th (or 6th because its little league) at bat where he hits the game winning homework. Take a bow bro.
6. Andy Murray- Andy Murray doesn't really need 1 more person saluting his epic summer, which is why he fell to 6. He has really upped his level of play since adding the Terminator as his coach; by terminator, I mean Ivan Lendl never smiles. He made crying look like the coolest thing a guy could do when he lost the wimbledon final. He followed it up by taking gold at the Olympics and winning the US Open is epic fashion. He also has a super hot girlfriend and is a UFC fan. This guy is so rad.
5. Tommy Haas- Didn't he retire like 8 years ago? No, bro. At age 286 he's re-established himself a sub-top 20 player. Such a killer tennis bro maneuver.
4. Jack Sock. My new favorite player on tour. Big physical style of play. He rages Chipotle every day, and I mean every day. He also gets easily distracted during interviews, demonstrating how unimportant the press is to him. He and his older brother, Eric, also dress like they own a yacht club. Jack Sock at the very least is on the level of Ricky 'Wild Thang' Vaughn right now. He may be the heir to Sonny Crockett status some day.
3. Alexandr BROgopolov- His style of play is a deliberate middle finger the conventional tennis establishment; power move. He doesn't even spell Alexander correctly; power move(s). There are videos on youtube of him getting rampaged drunk while acting as the red carpet reporter and asking stupid questions. Stupid, but smart. His coach, Jack Reader, even has the same flowing locks he does. These 2 are Crockett and Tubbs big time, only I feel like their definitions of busting doobies are very different.
2. Novak BROkovic- The Tennis equivalent of Randy 'the Viper' Orton. The modern personification of consistency in the game. His backhand is as damaging on court as the RKO is in the squared circle. After you google what the RKO is because you don't watch wrestling, amateurs, google Jelena Ristic. His girlfriend, in my opinion, is the 2012 Helen of Troy. The Djoker is super rad and only 25, should have lots more left in the tank.
1. John Isner- Ok, this guy is a WWE fan, and SEC bro amd won the longest match of all time proving not all Americans are lazy, Snooki-idolizing fat kids. He's a Shawn Michaels fan; I'm down with DX but I'm far more of a proponent to Triple H's pedigree, its more to the point than sweet chin music was. He's so rad he's even from North Carolina, my birth state. I will raise a strip of bacon to this bro, he is the raddest Sonny Crockett-type on the ATP World Tour. I will raise a strip of bacon to that.
More on the charitable socks for my foundation next time, as well as the tennis bro dating litmus test.
Send ideas to
realtennisbro@gmail.com
follow me on twitter @thetennisbro
No comments:
Post a Comment