How's it going bros?
I have had so many firsts recently including a guest blog entry on the tennis blog for the Clarion Ledger, RAGING Izzo's Illegal Burritos and listening to the Scorpions Blackout album all the way through; which I highly recommend for the sake of living room air guitar. Felix Baumgartner free-fell from space; such an epic bro thing.
None of these things quite compare to a mid summer's weekend working my first State Tennis Championship. I have been to 1 championship; and my team won the whole biznatch. However, I have never worked one of these before. I could tell y'all all about how wild it was and how I met some of the best people I've ever met, but in doing so, I would bore myself to sleep. Instead, I am going to enlighten the public on the other side of these things.
Now bros, There is a very distinct difference in the vehicles in which men and women compete for State Championships. Men do their own thing in the coolest and most bro way ever, and women are... well... women. The following are a few of the things women do during state championships. You all know the one's who are guilty if this, and if you don't, you just became aware of a few of the things you do under your cloud of delusion.
Ready. Set. BRO.
1. Treat the weekend as if they are the whole rest of the field fixing to run a sprint relay against Usain Bolt; why so serious, ladies?
2. Not go to the player party in favor of getting 15 hours of sleep the night before your match. That's not meant to be aimed at you in a negative way, senior and super senior players, digestion of your early bird dinners takes a toll on you at 7 o'clock, I get it.
3. Talk in great detail about your kids then tell everyone you need to prepare for your match as soon as we ask a question about them. Well back to thinking about Adele's new song again, or whatever else people my age actually think about.
SIDENOTE: Adele's new song 'Skyfall' totally has me fired up about the new Bond Film.
4. Tell everyone about how much weight you lost. Yeah the 2 hours you spend a day with a personal trainer have brought you down a dress size. Super bro move on your husband's part; a very well spent penny, sir.
5. Give the score table a detailed play by play of her thrilling comeback. What was the score? 3-6, 7-5, 10-6 in a breaker. OMG I was down 4-1 in the second set and we turned it around. Kind of thrilling isn't it, were you watching?
7. Bring a Louis Vuitton purse to a tennis match. You didn't really expect me to put all my belongings in a draw string bag, did you?
8. Make everyone aware of how sweaty she is after her match. Who, you? No!!!! wasn't there a sprinkler on your court?
9. Wear a matching outfit with her doubles partner. Something I'm completely on board with. Keep up the good work, ladies.
10. Cite traveling for the tournament as a prime excuse to go shopping. I agree, you do need new shoes, and the prices here are so much better.
11. Happily tell the story of having both of your knees replaced and a hip. This really needs no explanation.
12. Send her husband as an errand gopher if it is not mixed doubles. Doesn't matter that he is playing and 12 beers deep, he better be quick about that power bar. I can't go out in public all sweaty.
These observations are all mine and not necessarily the opinion of my employer; at least not vocally and thereby I am unaware of it their true opinion.
Tune in next time for all the things guys do at state tournaments.
Follow me on twitter @thetennisbro
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